If I haven’t made a complete fool of myself, I’m probably not done. I can’t say that works for everyone, but you’ve got to decide which risks you’re willing to take; You should also know how to follow up, should the consequences not be as you had hoped.
You can quit anything –and everything –should you want to. You can quit jobs, relationships, responsibilities… life if you despise it that much. You can end yourself at any given time (I wouldn’t recommend it) but if you haven’t, I suggest you take note of the reason why you haven’t –there’s something left. Sometimes we quit too soon. We think things are over without taking that final plunge and that is where the loss occurs. It’s like forfeiting when you’re down 1 in the last inning. It’s foolish –and though you might feel foolish to sacrifice your pride and face a true loss at the end, it is in loss that we learn of our weaknesses so that we can improve come the next round. If you’re anything like me, there will be a next round. I had the pleasure of listening to Hov’ interview on Hot97, I’ve decided I’ll follow his advice and “always believe that you’re great even before anyone else believes it.” Sometimes, the outside world makes me feel like less than what I am. I don’t know if they believe in me, so I don’t know if I should believe in myself. Sometimes, I feel like I deserve such great things that if they fail to reach that level, I’m disappointed. Still, I’ve learned that in order to be great, you’ve got to be great. In order to get what you deserve, you’ve got to play your role to earn it.
If you don’t get what you truly want, you’ll never be satisfied –no matter how good everything else is. Some people are okay with being dissatisfied, they can ignore it forever. Someone like me can’t get it out of her mind. When I want something, I can barely function until I get it. The worst feeling of all is wanting something but not knowing exactly what. With this in mind, I just follow my hear and say “fck the world,” hoping it’ll lead me wherever I’m supposed to be. I had a conversation recently about my art on0stage and I mentioned that sometimes, I feel like I’m doing the same thing over and over again. But then I realized that, some people like that. And some people don’t know the difference. The only one truly affected by what I decide to do next is me. The difference is whether they are happy with the decision I make.
Last night, I performed last night at the Nuyorican Poets’ Café alongside East Brook Family. Might have been one of my best sets yet, actually. Only issue is, it’s not what I needed to do. I performed the song I wanted to share… but there’s a piece I need to share –it’s just not ready yet. I had a couple of hours between work and the show where I debated what piece to share. There’s the song I had ready, the song that expressed how I felt most and then the poem I felt obligated to present. At the end of it, I went with what I had ready. I’ve decided that somewhere in this process, you’ve got to also know when to hold back. Sometimes, when you want to quit, what you’ve got to do is just pull back a little bit and let things figure themselves out. Get comfortable before you go after it again. Come in with a clear head so that you can make the best decisions for yourself and all involved. Sometimes, you have to be your own parent –make better decisions for yourself than you even want to.
Not every choice you make will be “right” by the standards of the average passerby, but this is because your life is not that of the onlooker –you live your life. Whether you decide to push forward for what you want, take only yourself and your game plan into account. Sometimes,we take a look at the people beside us and say, if they’re not where they’re supposed to be, they’re ruining my story. In reality, maybe that person isn’t meant to be in your story. Maybe they don’t have the same plans/goals as you do. Even if people have the same goals you do, the path they take to get there might be different, and you have to allow it to be. As confused as you might be by the decisions they make, don’t let that affect yours. Your next move –whether you keep it grooving or cut it short –should be made by you with your best interests in mind. That’s because anyone who cares for you would do that same; teach others how to treat you.
My opinion: You shouldn’t stay in situations that aren’t beneficial for the long-run. That has a tinge of “gold digger” to it, but the benefits we are each looking for are different –depends on your game plan. If you have things you want, go for those things. If all you can get out of the current situation is less than what you deserve, perhaps it’s time you look for something else. Before you do though, you must see if there is room for growth –like I said, sometimes we quit too soon. There’s a delicate balance between patience and perseverance on the road to getting what you desire most.
The key to knowing what to do next lies in your heart, everything should be based in love. You next move shouldn’t be malicious or rooted in vengeance. It shouldn’t be desperate. It should be peaceful. Your next move should be in line with all the moves you made before –if you meant those. I believe that you should be weary of how much your feelings “change”. I know I speak cryptically, but this applies to romance, friendships, careers and all that. If you went into something talking about how it was your dream and all you’ve ever wanted, how easily will you give up on that? If you decide to quit on something, we’ll all know you quit. When you are ready to handle that –and those responses –and you notice that you no long care about the response on the other end, it’s time to let go. When you no longer love, or do “it” with love, it’s time to call it quits – For the best of all parties. But if you love it… If you truly do… then you never ever give up. That’s what I believe.
Long live love.