Loneliness and desperation can rob you of all you were meant to have. If you’re worried about keeping a man or a job, there is a reason behind it. No good company and no good man would let their most valuable person go. We’ve got to be honest about that. & if you are valuable and being let go, then there should still be no worry because your references will back you up. If those guys really weren’t worth your time and didn’t deserve you, there’s no reason to stress it. Still, as a cognitive being, I’d pray you’d take note of whatever went wrong last time and make sure it’s not in your next relationship. Yes, we do have to be wiser. Perhaps even a bit more cut-throat. You can’t give all these niggas a chance, honestly. The real about that is that every guy you let in is another guy. We can debate double standards but the fact of it is, it is what it is. When you meet someone, what they’re measuring you up with is, not only their past, but anything that might present itself in the future. Whatever details follow you along will have to be addressed and the person has to say “Can I deal with that?” The trick to this is, if you work on yourself to be the kind of woman your ideal man would want, you have nothing to worry about. But you must be patient if you still aren’t that ideal woman. The answer is not to lower your expectations, but to improve your situation.
When you’re at your loneliest, find yourself. There will be nights he doesn’t respond and nights when no one responds. During those nights, what do you do? You can call someone else, but if you’re waiting on Mr. Right, how right does it make you to look for entertainment elsewhere? Will your loneliness always drive you to find attention elsewhere? Be patient in your search for the right one as it’ll train you to be patient with him. Not everything will go right in your relationship (or so they say) and you won’t always be side-by-side with that person. Instead of having to get into a relationship and fighting and fussing to learn that, maybe you can try to swallow that pill and accept it to being with? Our ability to deal with the difficult affects the outcome of those testing situations. If you are impatient in finding your man, you may be impatient with other things in your relationship. In any relationship, patience is key. You’ve got to learn who that person is an decide what you will or will not deal with. Finding “The One” isn’t about finding anyone and making them perfect, it’t about finding the perfect person and dealing with whatever happens afterwards.
Use your time. While no one is texting or calling you, instead of scrolling through your contacts trying to find entertainment, do what you need to do. Get some errands done. Work on that business plan you’ve been meaning to work on. A true love will fit into your life seamlessly, without disrupting your schedule or your progress. This way, you can continue to be yourself and continue to love yourself. Sometimes we feel disregarded or unloved because we’re not getting attention from someone else, but every time you need attention from someone else, ask yourself why you won’t give that attention to yourself. If all it takes is a bottle of wine and a pair of shoes to make you happy, can’t you do that for yourself?
Love and befriend yourself. Love should come from everywhere, not just an intimate relationship. Take your time to get to know people, as well as to learn to love people. Move calmly. Don’t expect anything from your relationships, allow them to turn into what they’re destined to be –some are distined to last forever, others aren’t. Some of us (especially strong women of color) are so bold, driven and busy we don’t have time for ourselves and expect someone else to pay attention to us and treat us like ladies. But you’ve got to be willing to put in the work on your end. If there’s something you think is “wrong” with you, either fix it or love it boldly. Same comes for men. If there’s something you don’t like about him, either love him or leave him alone. Stop with the drama. Stop with the forcing relationships because you’re lonely. If you want something that feels natural and just happens and the stars align… you’ve got to wait for them to align.
Trust me if you want to. Don’t if you don’t. Sometimes I write these in order to keep my own head high. If I don’t believe in my own dreams, no one else will. It’s disheartening that I have to call these dreams. Love shouldn’t be a dream but, in my opinion, we don’t work heard enough for it. This world is full of temptations. We do things we know isn’t right. We involve ourselves with the wrong people knowing where it will end up. As a writer, I put it all into words the nicest way possible but… if you haven’t found the one, there are probably things you have to improve of yourself, and some of these things, only time can change. You must be patient with yourself as well as patient the world. If you rush the baking process, the cake simply doesn’t come out right. I think we all need to slow down and stop stressing ourselves out so much. Love is important, but that comes form family and friends as well. If you’re rushing to be in a relationship, you might just be taken hold by the physical sensations of it. If you can learn to ignore the physical, you can really fall in love with a person which might help with the state of your overall relationship. What are you really looking for? I suggest you move with patience and give yourself time to find that out.
Never stress, tho. Stress is never good.