How do I feel about blogging? I don’t know I’ve never done it, but it looks fun! I would talk about my day, my thoughts, the flowers, motherhood, relationships, depression and struggle. I’m all over the place Ella but I just have so much inside me.
I’ve followed you for a few months now and I love the fact that your on line magazine expresses you. Not just you, also things I think about and things I want to do. I would love if you could help me find who I am and what my purpose is. But I want to blog about my journey so that it may help another who may be going through similar situations.
I choose you because you are very busy but you seem to love your readers. I never in a million years thought you’d respond to my questions. Your personal interest in people .. I love that about you, it’s how I feel deep inside like fire inside of me, overwhelming passion, excitement of a journey. But first I want to understand what this overwhelming passion inside me is.
Is this something you think you would or have time to help me with?
I know this might sound crazy, but I often stand in front of the mirror just to look myself in the eyes. I try to understand what I’m feeling. What I’m saying to myself in silence. There must be a reason I have these thoughts no one else can hear. I see myself. I take note to observe myself the way others might see me. You have to learn to love exactly what is in that mirror because that is you. You have to look yourself in the eyes because you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Don’t fear yourself. Speak to yourself. Tell yourself how you’re feeling and refuse to look away. Don’t back down. Don’t fear who you are. Don’t be your own enemy. Look at yourself the way others should see you. Smile at your “flaws,” for they make you who you are. If you want to speak to people, you have to see yourself how they will. Treat yourself how they will. You set precedence. People only treat you the way you treat yourself. & if you can’t stand/respect/trust/value/love you, why should anyone else? Eventually, you’ll be able to look in the mirror and smile and glow and see the beauty emanating from within. That beauty is your soul. & when you begin to understand the beauty of your soul, you’ll see it in other people & they will see it in you. We are all soul mates. It’s crazy to me that I’m the same person I was years ago, but when I used to look in the mirror, I despised every single bit of me. We can’t do that. In order to love the world, you’ve got to start within. You are the world. Secretly, we’re all the same. Supposedly made in the image of The One. How can we be imperfect? How can we be different?
I can’t tell you what your passion is because you are the only one who feels it. So if you are the one who holds it, you need to take some time to speak with yourself. Understand who you are. Like any other subject, you have to understand the history of it. What happened? When did it happen? Why did it happen? What happened afterwards? How has that led up to today? You need to fully understand what makes you you.
Regardless of the fact that I want this magazine to blow so I can quit, I enjoy my day job. I do it the best it’s been done, I’ve been told. While I’m on their time, I invest myself 1000%, as I do in everything I take on. Just because I have the online magazine (and want it to be my life) doesn’t mean I half-ass everything else. I’m a hard worker. All day. I commit myself to everything I do –even in raising my puppy. Life is serious to me. After my hour train ride, I get home at about 8pm & feed Duchess and we hug & kiss a little more. Then I make dinner & pack my lunch for the next day. I do the dishes. Take a shower, get ready for bed & by about 10pm, I’m done with my duties. From 10-11, I do what makes me happy. At 11pm, I read another passage from The Book. I try to be in bed by 12am because, 5am is around the corner. On Saturdays, I try to schedule something for the magazine, whether it’s an interview, an event or simply truly living my mantra and doing #JustWhatWeWannaDo. Sometimes, that means I sit in the house and kiss Duchess. Sometimes that means go to Tiffany’s and look at diamonds. On Sundays, I rest. Please note I haven’t even touched on my personal life. I need time to play and enjoy myself. I’m also not one of those angry girls who can’t find a man. I date. And very well. I just keep my business to myself. (When I’m ready to talk about that… I will.) By telling you all of this, I hope you understand that, yes, I am busy. I am chasing my dreams and I have to commit myself to them completely. I never stop. I’m fully invested. This magazine is my heart, and the only thing I love more is my life –I’m blessed to have a plan to make them go hand-in-hand. But it’s all still in the works, so, no, I don’t have much free time. If I can mentor you in the least bit, I hope it’s in my leading by example. I am just like you. I don’t have all the answers. I’m still working my ass off on this Earth. It ain’t heaven just yet. I can’t commit myself to do anything for any person constantly –especially if that person isn’t me.
I’ve finally understood the value of myself. I need to help myself. You don’t need all the help you think you do. You simply need to have more faith in what lies inside of you. While we are here to support other people, I believe that we should lead more by example. I can’t agree to help you because that would mean it’s okay for you to take away from your time and your life, too. I don’t want you to do that. Some call me selfish for feeling that way, but I think it’s better than letting people down. By declining a proposed “mentor-ship” of sorts, I hope to free you. You need to take control of your own life –that’s the only way to live it fully. No one can live for you. If you’re going to figure out what your life means, you’ve got to take a hold of it and claim ownership of your existence. Now. Only when you’ve claimed your life in its entirety, can you assemble the pieces and understand the “purpose” you’re looking for. If you keep giving people pieces of your puzzle, you’ll never have the full picture.
You don’t need permission. Whatever site you wanna use, use it. (I use Blogger.com. You can also use WordPress.com, but if you have specific questions, Google has the most answers.) Whatever you wanna say, say it. However you wanna promote, promote it. Along the way, opportunities arise and it’s on you to look out for them. Everyone likes the “networking” idea, but I prefer to connect with people. If your writing is supposed to be about helping people, then when someone needs help, you should help. Perhaps you’ll say, “Hey, this is my site, you should check it out when you have free time.” It’s most beneficial to have a business card to go along with it, because people don’t remember anything unless they really want to. On the business end of it, I say, continue to challenge yourself & never quit. Yes, I believe it is that simple. Because those who love you truly will continue to do so. & supporters are supporters. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re here for the money, so if/when financials become a factor, remember what you’re really here for. If you’re wondering how to trick/lure/entice readers into finding and reading your blog, that’s not my specialty. You can team up with a PR/Marketing Group & they’ll help you with that. I like natural readership. Everybody who reads me, reads me because they read me. I truly don’t give a f*ck enough to concern myself with who’s clicking where. I write. I live. I love. That’s all I care about. Whoever doesn’t like what I do can some find some other self-interested, phony site to entertain themselves with. If it’s blogging that your heart desires, do it. First though, you need to approach this as you would any other hobby/task/activity/game –you need to understand what it is first. Blogging is the act of constantly telling people what you do. Blogger is a website. Blogger.com, to be exact. To help people on their journey is much different from “blogging”.
If it’s a journey you’re detailing, you’d better actually embark on that journey. As I write this, it’s a Friday night and there is far too much to do. I’m considering a new venture with a friend you all might enjoy (S/O to expansion). I was supposed to meet him for drinks, but I have a 9:15am bus to catch tomorrow to Philly. I could have gone. It’s only 10:38pm, but I want to write this more than I want to do anything else. The secret to doing what you want to do, the way it needs to be done, is to do what you want to do. You’ll end up doing what you’re supposed to be doing –what makes you happiest and expresses you as an individual. Where ever your heart is, is exactly where it needs to be. As I thought about writing this, I considered what you might want and/or need to hear. Not that I’m not concerned with your well being, but if you’ve reached out to me, it’s because you feel comfortable with me. Given I only have one shell, I have no choice but to be me. So f*ck what you need or want, ELLATHOUGHT.com simply gives you what I think. This is my world and I respect the guidelines I’ve set for myself. I respect myself. I didn’t always like what I saw in the mirror. I assume that’s what you’ve gathered from reading me. Tending to yourself and your soul are the most important things in the world. I refuse to believe any theory that differs.
#4. Be God-like
“Our purpose here is to act on Earth like it’s heaven,” Tyesha answered. Here we were, drinking champagne from plastic cups in Times Square, toasting to her clothing line, Glam Addiction Designs, JWWWD Magazine, success, the empowerment of Our People and His grace. This morning, I told a friend that, sometimes, I worry that I ruin the mood. Instead of yelling and screaming and throwing myself at men, I would much rather sit around a table and ask two girls I have never met before what they think our purpose on Earth is –I needed to hear input other than my own before I wrote this. It was their first night out with me, so I apologized about how heavy my conversation tends to be, but it ended up that they were more than happy to speak about faith, belief, the bible, God and life with me –at 12am on a beautiful summer Saturday night on the streets of New York City, mind you.
I believe your purpose here is the same as mine. To be happy. To make the world a better place by making your life (which is your world) a better place. That “fire” you mentioned is a marvelous thing. It burns the whole of you. It’s blinding. It makes you squint your eyes and tighten your cheeks. It makes you smile. If you’re already feeling that, you’re halfway there. This is where I feel comfortable speaking to you about God. I don’t know what you call him. In my opinion, that higher power has manifested itself in so many different forms simply to reach us all. He/She looks like what you want him/her to look like. Says what you want to hear. Does what you think should be done. The idol you keep is extremely important. As I had this conversation last night, I can’t sit back and deny my Catholic God –the same one who taught me to accept all people. I believe (like Lauryn Hill said on her UnPlugged) God speaks to the hearts of people better than any of us and he’ll find his way to you whether you want him to or not. Perhaps through my encouraging you. Finding faith has grounded me. Also, in grounding myself, I’ve found faith. At the same rate, I’ve got a couple pages left in Jean-Paul Satre’s Existential and Human Emotions (post coming soon!) in which he argues that every man is responsible for the outcome of his life (“man” used loosely in a sexist epoch). We don’t have a defined “duty” on this Earth. Plants and animals are food, but what are we?
I believe we are here to live life to the limit and love it a lot. But we decide that “limit” depending on how much faith we have in ourselves. We are to be thankful for each day and try to make the best of it. But each day, as we decide with to do with those 24 hours, you work them on your set of values. If you value love, spread love. (That’s my mission.) Peace? Respect? Honesty? Loyalty? It works on the other end of the spectrum, too. He who lies spreads lies. Some goes for hate, stress and drama. I believe the deities we revere simply personify the qualities we value. Jesus was dope, in my opinion. & he’s the only one who said he was the Son of God, so… if that’s what he said, I have no proof otherwise. I’m Marjorie Thousand by Francia Fung & you better f*ckin believe it. I admire Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Muhammad, Martin Luther King, Malcom X, Heuy Newton, Sojourner Truth and any other folk –living or dead, present, past or future –who aim to make the world a better place. Even if they made mistakes. Even if I didn’t agree. There are people who agreed with Hitler for a reason. Not saying I agree… but I simply understand what he was thinking. He wanted the world to be a better place –for him. It’s the selfishness that made it wrong & drove the rest to be inhumane. I think that is our purpose. To improve the conditions of living, but we forget that it should be for all mankind. Still, there are so many of us, with so many different stories, we each have to play our part… perhaps you’ve been called to play yours.
I want to make the world a better place. Especially for women. Especially for women who look like me. I want us to be able to sit at tables with each other and cease the judgement. I want to help our men. I want us, as the human species, to be able to speak with one another and share love. I want us to discuss how to make the world a safer, happier place and one day, put those ideas to work. I want this to be heaven. So badly. I remember when I hated it here. I recall the days I felt alone because I couldn’t see the love that surrounded me. Like the day I sat with my face in the toilet, my mother asking me what I ate that got me so sick, but I couldn’t say “Asprin.” I keep no secrets about myself, I don’t pretend to hold any fame. I unleash my truths methodically and measure them carefully. That’s why that last truth is at the bottom of this piece and in the middle of this paragraph –because those who couldn’t make it through the first portion of this post damned sure wouldn’t be able handle the end of it. I hope you understand that I understand this world is a dangerous place, but we are the most deadly to ourselves. You need to love and believe in yourself. Anything you want to do, you can do it. You’ve simply got to invest your heart into it.
And, please, don’t forget to talk about the flowers.
Much love & many, many blessings,