I didn’t even know I wanted to talk about it until I saw the picture to the right. I spend my days doing the usual, being genuine. I check my Facebook to ignore my friends, tweet dope shit on Twitter to flutter the birds and online shop for shit I can’t afford. My Tumblr tumbles whatever is linked and I roll with it. Whenever the mood strikes me, I Pin the dopest shit I can find on the my dope array of Pintrest boards or record whatever the fuck I feel like on my Youtube. Frankly, I don’t give a damn what you all want to see. I do what I wanna do. (This is JWWWD: The Online Magaizine where we do #JustWhatWeWannaDo after all. And, ask the team, I don’t bullshit when I say it. ) I don’t speak to anyone really, but I’m online all day. If you need me you can find me.
I need people to stay the fuck out my phone because I really don’t have time to devote to nothing. I’m 24. I’ve got to get rich soon. Most conversation is pointless. You already know how the other person feels. When you have the conversation, you’re either just insecure and trying to confirm what you think, or you’re ready for battle and need to expose that person’s folly. It seems most conversation we take part in is either to applaud ourselves or bash an enemy. We only join forces with those who like the same things we do or hate the same things we do. After a difference of opinion, most people turn away and make no further effort. I understand, because when a conversation goes sour, I also leave it out to dry. But the difference between myself and the next person is that I’ve stopped putting in effort from the very beginning.
Everybody is right. As individuals, we’re trapped in our own minds. As a species, we’re blessed enough to be able to communicate and solve problems peacefully –although some would prefer a more beastly, kingly approach –kill the males; rape the women. I’m tired of stress and drama. I watched myself shed 4 tears recently, wiped them and laughed at myself. This world is ruthless, it doesn’t give a fuck about what comes out of my eyes or what’s gone into them. People can only see what they see. They only feel what they feel. I’m always right for myself, too. I learned long ago not to argue with fools. Then I learned the relation of fools and love and veered from that as well. “You got a man?” he asked me. I’d watched him perform earlier that night, not sure who he was but tonight he was just with the band.
“You here to get women?” I asked him.
“Well, I mean. If it happens…”
“I’m here to listen to music. Enjoy your night,” I said as I chucked the deuce over my head and walked to my place by the stage. No one ever asks me how I’m feeling. How my day is going. If I’m feeling healthy. If my heart has healed. No one asks, so I can only assume no one cares. & until they start to act like it, I’ll assume I’m correct.
I feel broken down everyday. Somehow I manage to smile. I don’t know how I do it. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling NaS’s Life is Good so heavily. No matter what, life is good. It was my brother’s 35th birthday on Tuesday the 24th. It was also ELLATHOUGHT.com‘s 2-year anniversary. I actually am looking into providing creative services. I’m into online advertising –especially in creating websites. Check out my new “Money G Thousand” sit by clicking here… might transfer PresidentElla.com over to it. I haven’t decided yet & I just go with what makes my heart smile & hope you all enjoy it along with me. Also worked on EastBrookFamilia.com so check it out. I think the site looks dope. Lemme know how I did! (& if you’re interested in one of your own. #Work) I understand that ELLATHOUGHT.com is not conventional, nor will it ever be. I’m just not phony enough. This blog is simply a way to keep me true to that. I plan on doing everything I say if I haven’t already done it. If you think you have ambition, you’ve never had a conversation with me. I’ll inspire God when I get there, I promise. You see, I can’t fail. Not only because I don’t want to or because I’m too skilled, but because I’ve found an inner peace some call God, others call by other names, but I call my Self.
Not only do I know who I am, but everybody else gets the gist of it, too. Typically, when I walk in a room, sit down to a meeting or approach a mic, people look at me like a chump. After a couple of minutes, they still don’t know who I am, but they know what I’m not. I am not the average. Most of the people you’ve met are –especially the best of them. The wave of mediocrity has washed over even the most potentially dope. The truly fantastic are few and far between. Please don’t take this as conceit, but I’m one of them. I’d be a sin to deny my God-given ability. I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone, I’m just saying that I know who I am. And I’m damned sure the best at that.
I don’t mad anymore, I get a little flustered, a little stressed. I make sure I keep those feelings at the bare minimum. I don’t stop saying how I feel and I never hold back truth, I just refuse to take part in negativity. I don’t keep myself in spaces where there’s too much negativity and the possibility of “hate” –FYI: hate is contagious, keep your distance. I went to the Extraordinary Words Open Mic on Monday to try out new pieces. When I arrived, I was greeted by familiar faces which made the surrounding a lot more comfortable. Regardless, the conversation got a little uncomfortable. My favorite topic is celebrity. I find celebrities interesting, not because of what they do, but of how people sit around and talk about them like they know them. (You can count on me to talk about Mr. Carter in that fashion.) What’s more interesting is how people speak upon celebrities like they’ve met them and sat down for a conversation with them. We all know most of the shit that goes on in famous peoples lives –whether on purpose or not, whether we like it or not. I think our biggest folly is when we decide that what we’ve heard is not only the truth, but full truth. Just because you hear a story, doesn’t mean that’s all of it. And just because a person speaks and you can hear it, doesn’t mean they were speaking to you. have you told your best friends everything you’ve ever done? Be honest. Why would you think you know Kanye West inside and out?
Everyone’s on a quest to figure out who they are, but they need to understand a little better who they are not. You are not anyone else. So before you go ahead and decide you know the truth about that person and their situation, you need to step back and remember you only know your business. & if you’re busy minding someone else’s, your business is bound to fuck up. People need to worry about themselves more. If we each took responsibility for our own actions, it wouldn’t fall on anyone to have to carry the rest. We’re each individuals and need to begin to understand that. Bobby and Juicy Stone performed “Stay Out My Phone” at The Pyramid Club last night, but we really need a “Stay Out My Business” single for the general public. I sat at a table with two people I didn’t know talking about two people none of us had met. I simply couldn’t get off that point. “Kobe and Kanye are arrogant,” was the statement. I say, I don’t know them. I have no experience with them. And they aren’t in the room to defend themselves, so the conversation is dumb and walking the thin line between conversation and hate. How can I judge a 30-something year old man off 30-minutes of what I saw? You don’t know people… and that’s okay.
“So if I feel some way about him, I should sit here and say nothing?” I was asked. Yes. I believe so. I believe what you think about another person doesn’t f*ckin matter, especially when you’ve never met him and never will. Actually… the only thing that matters is the negative energy you spew every time you voice your “opinion” of things. If you don’t like something, don’t deal with it. Don’t like the music? Don’t listen. Don’t like the food? Don’t eat it. Don’t like the show? Don’t watch it –I don’t own a TV and pretty much only play Jay-Z and Beyoncé. You don’t have to ingest everything out there. You keep taking in shit you don’t need, you’ll keep spitting it back out. We don’t need that in this world. Perhaps if you prayed for Kobe while he was on that stand, about to lose his life, it would reach God and help change him. Instead, you sit back with judgment. Your commentary does nothing. And granted, you could do nothing to stop Kanye from doing rockstar shit, but you can pray that it makes him happy, but that he remains sane and safe. You can make an effort to put positive energy into the world.
Smiling isn’t always easy, but someone’s gotta do it. The world is tough, but you’ve got to power through it. Do not be swayed or you will fall over. Plant your feet into the ground and take your stand. If you’re not fighting for what is yours –your dreams, your goals, your love — then who is? If you’re not making the effort to be happy, you never will be. You can’t always count on people to please you –their purpose is not to please you, even if they are entertainment. Actors and Actresses entertain us, but the best of them find their own joy in performing. It’s not about me or you unless it’s about me or you.
This life is yours, you decide how you’ll live it. Make your own choices and weigh them so that the outcome has more positive than negative. And allow others to make their own choices. If you do not agree with them, consider it a lesson learned for you. But you’ve got to let every man try and fail for themselves because when it comes time for your trials, no one is going to go to war for you. We each fight our own battles here. On judgement day, we each face whatever the fuck that’s gonna be like for ourselves. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep them in your hearts, not on your backs. It is a blessing to be able to help another –if you can, you should because greed will only take you under, but we are not meant to carry or depend on others for too long or you’ll become worthless. Immobile. Teach a man to fish. Walk on your own feet and use your own hands because everybody else can, too. & when the next person sees your worth, they’ll recognize it. Especially if they pretend not to.
Live your own life, today.