7.11.11
Exactly one year ago I thought….




    For better or for worse. When do you start acting like it? When is it too soon? How do you know if that’ll be taken advantage of?

I don’t know if I’m dumb for doing this, but… maybe this is a particular generation. One in which woman has to earn back her respect. One where she’ll have to prove that she deserves the man. Maybe. Maybe we’ve wronged men for far too long so that the good ones have been blinded and are at risk of losing everything.  I’m not going to let him ruin this for me. He has to be plain… dumb to let me go… and he’s a bright boy. I wouldn’t expect him to make such a grave mistake. 
      I don’t know exactly what you’ve done. I’m not quite sure what this is… but I’m enjoying it every second it doesn’t plague me.  The moments when I’m certainI’m just good at making myself look like a fool. Perhaps that’s it. I’m a little girl trapped in fantasy land –prone to believe in fairytales. Well, fuck it. I like it here. My ego has been fighting with me. I’m trying to let these walls come down, but I’m so fuckin good at building them up. I can’t tell anyone about You because any story I tell makes me feel a bit foolish. And there’s a difference here: it’s easier for me to be made a fool of that disrespected. I know disrespect when it enters a room, but it’s  fear that attracts me. I’m a hunter. I smell blood. You want me. I know it. 
       He fears me and I know it. I could take his heart and break it in half if I so chose. He;s wise to protect himself. I don’t much trust myself. I fall in and out of love too easily. And I fall out of love just as hard as I fall in it, if not harder. Secretly, I’m evil and selfish. Privately, I’m caring and devoted. Hopefully you’ll see, understand and accept both sides of me. 
      I’m a regular girl. I’ve been put on pedestals and dragged through the mud. I’ve been supported and neglected. I’ve been praised and admonished. I know of all highs and have seen all lows. What I mean to say is… I’m a woman. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve not been damaged. I’ve not even tarnished. I’ve aged gracefully… and at a mere 23, I promise you I am more than you’ve bargained for and everything you’ve wondered is possible. 
     You expect it. You expect a woman to let you down. To neglect you. To misunderstand you. To tire and aggravate you. Hinder and upset you. And I understand why. I’ll admit, I was the woman before… when I wanted a man for my own selfish reasons rather that what they should be. I wanted his love for me, but didn’t know how to love him correctly. But… that was the best thing I never had. You? I want to the end of time. 
     It’s always like music. This Beyonce album (with perfect timing) has got me feeling like…  Don’t you worry, baby. I’ll set your heart free. I just wanna be with you. I want to you show you the things a real woman can do. If not for you, the simply for the betterment of the world. Maybe I can show these girls how a woman should think. How a man should be handled. Proceed with caution love, once I set my mind to something, I don’t stop until it’s mine. I won’t let your fear distract me. Through the good and the bad right? Have you ever had a woman you knew for sure would hold you down? Do you want to?