No disrespect, but men are the easiest creatures to figure out. The secret is to not think so much. (Also, no disrespect.) There reason I prefer to hang out with males is because they bypass a lot of the phony shit and get straight to the point. And once the point is made, it’s done. In and out. (Same way most men tend to shop.) In comparison, women never stop thinking beyond the moment. We dissect, interpolate and extrapolate. Then, instead of asking for the direct truth, we determine that what might be happening is happening. (This is commonly referred to as “crazy” to men.)  Lost as to how to handle this, men take it upon themselves to try to avoid your “crazy” at all costs.  The issue isn’t that “men are dogs” (even though they are, it’s just which one you are willing to deal with) rather, they have no idea how to deal with women.

      Assuming women trip about the slightest things, men lie about everything.  They try to “think ahead” and cover all bases. They accuse themselves before you have the chance to. Anything that might upset you is left out of the equation –but that only pisses us off more. Thing is, when you lie… you can’t do that so well. Because a stage A lie will lead to stage B. B leads to C. C…. we’ll, you know the deal. Once you start bullshitting, it all slides in the same direction. That’s when you assume everything he says is bullshit –because it probably is. And the only reason you know that is because you’ve begun to do the same. Secretly, you’re just like him. You’re a problem, too. Me, too. I was a problem, too. 
So how do we fix this?  


The key is not to “think like a man.” You need to continue to be a woman. The key is to understand their train of thought and manage your actions to get the response you want –or to avoid what you don’t want. Like much else in the world, women are here to do what men can’t. And they simply cannot figure us out. It’s time we figured them. Let’s sort this shit out.



Ella’s made her fair share of mistakes… got some tips for ya so you don’t do the same  ðŸ˜‰ 














1. Shut the f*ck up, sometimes.      

All you’ve got to do is shut up and listen. We’re talkers, us women. We’ve always got something to say and add. It’s really because we’re brilliant and, due to the power of the P, men listen. They also respond.

2. Ask direct questions. 
          If you want an asnswer, ask the question. How else are you supposed to know the answer? And how else are your concerns supposed to be addressed? Sometimes, we hold so much in and expect to be understood — that makes no sense. If he doesn’t know how you’re feeling, he doesn’t know how your feeling. Stop expecting him to. & If you’re confused about something, but won’t ask him the question, you need to figure out why that is. You should be able to ask your partner anything with no fear. You should be able to accept that answer as  1000% truth. If you can’t, why are you still f*ckin wit dude? If you don’t believe what he says, you don’t trust him. (Yes. That’s exactly what it means.)  And without trust, you have nothing but emergency d*ck in a glass. (Yes. That’s exactly what it is.)

         Beating around the bush only wastes time. It’s irritating. It’s like saying “red plus blue” every time you mean to say “purple”. Sometimes, we do thins simply so that people follow our train of that, but that connection should already be there. He’s not as dumb as you assume him to be –especially if he acts like it. N*ggas are fully aware of their actions and the happenings. If he truly has no clue, he’ll ask you for details. But if you have a question, have that answered first. F*ck the background noise. Get to the point. Speak to him like you would a best friend. F*ck his feelings.





3. Don’t ask too many questions. 

             Only ask what you want to know. Most of the time, you already know the answer. Quite frankly, if you think your man’s cheating on you, you probably have a reason. Some women might be able to simply ask the question & deal with the response.

4. Know when to give it up. 
          If you know the answer, and don’t care about the details, stop asking questions. For example, if your man is cheating on you (either you find out or you asked) why ask more questions? Why ask for details. There are only TWO options: You leave or you stay. If you’re going to leave, leave completely. If you’re going to stay, drop the conversation. You can’t keep complaining about shit you’ve indirectly supported. Why should he change his ways if you’re okay with them? If you’ll stay?

5. Limit why‘s. 
       They just don’t like to be questioned. They’ll let you know what they are doing, but they don’t particularly want to discuss why. “Because the fuck they want to,” that’s why. They want to play boss. Let them. F*ck where he is, what he’s doing and who he’s with. If you know who you are, so does he. If you know you have nothing to worry about, you know you have nothing to worry about. But if you’re worried…. 
TIP: Take advantage of this: It’s not all about giving him the freedom, but the freedom you give him, you deserve as well. See, I have no problem answering why –but it might be a smart ass response. His might be as well. So… to avoid all the drama that arises in that situation… fuck why. Just focus on what is, and deal with that. 
   Don’t question why he’s getting off the phone. (S/O to @EBF_WillieG for the insight.) You have to admit, it is a pretty pointless question. & If he’s hanging up with you to be where he wants to be, leave his ass there. Whether he’s a good or bad guy, he deserves to be wherever he wants to be. You can’t chain no man. 
6. Don’t wait on his phone calls. 
           If that person is going to call you back, let them call you back. Funny thing with this is that people do that shit to everyone.  I don’t have to call you. Nor do I have to call you back. And you don’t have to call me. Come to think of it, what’s the point of talking to someone everyday? What does that prove? Why do you need to talk to a person every day? If it just so happens, then fine. But to assume anyone has to speak to you is bizarre. No one is that important. 

      He doesn’t have to call you. No one does. You should be grateful when they do. Your only concern should be that that person is safe. Additionally, if someone is always waiting on you, you can only assume they have nothing better to do. It’s like taking on a child –and that’s the worst kind of relationship. You’ve both got to have your own lives or one person will feel like the other is too dependent on them for attention/entertainment. You should feel like you are with each other because you enjoy the company, not because you have to. 

7. Show No Response.
When he upsets you. Do nothing. Don’t let anybody get to you. 

At the end of the day, he is not your father, brother, family…. he is just some n*gga (@AyoBossBitch_ gets credit for that one). If he thinks it’s okay to upset you, he obviously doesn’t understand your value. Any man willing to upset you is willing to lose you. Let that sucka go. 
8. Make a decision.
         Be more of a f*ckin boss. Especially if you’re small/dainty/feminine it doesn’t mean people should be able to walk all over you –neither him nor anyone else. There’s nothing that gives a man more pride that knowing that, while he’s off handling his part of the world, you’re off doing that same. It’s the same sense of working with a great business partner. You want someone you can depend on to get things done for themselves as well as for you should you need it. But if a person can’t help themselves, how can they help you? What’s the point of them?
          Let him know what you want and how you want it done. The same way you should ask direct questions, give direct instructions. If you know what you want him to do, why not fill him in on the secret? Granted, you can’t play the boss all them time –a man still likes to feel in control –but remember, he is not a mind reader. Even if you don’t tell him in the moment, you can hint other times at exactly what you like. Instead of having him guess what color roses you like, you can have a random conversation about how much you love white roses (hint for anyone who’s stalking me). It doesn’t even matter how you get the information to him as long as he knows. Give him the tools to make the right decisions. We far too often leave our men in the cold. You can’t trip someone & blame them for falling. 

9. Play your roll.

       Know what’s your business and what’s not. Know who you are to him. There’s a difference between you and his friends. Between you and his family. Instead of considering that an obstacle, look at is as a benefit. You have your own position to play that no one else does. As one would do with any job, get in that position and do it the best it’s ever been done. Don’t worry about anyone else –past nor  present —  because you are the future.  You don’t need to know the exact male to female ratio of everywhere he goes or who he’s with. You should feel confident your man will “stay faithful in a room full hoes”. (If you’re not confident… refer to #2. You don’t trust him. Figure out why and handle that.) You don’t need to know what time he left or got in –because what are you doing with that information? Retracing his schedule? Unless you’re picking him up, dropping him off, or meeting him somewhere, you don’t need to know the time of anything, do you? Mind ya business, shorty. 
       Be a stereotypical “woman”. Because it’s easy. Cook, clean and iron for him. It’s not that any of that is fun, it’s simply time consuming. But when you care about someone, you care about what they look like and how they’re feeling. This simple shit is the easiest for someone else to take over. The 5 minutes it would have taken you to iron his shirt, he’ll remember you wouldn’t. & when the next women comes along and considers that 5 minutes worth it, she’ll have easily walked over you. Due to your inaction, you’ve made it easy for the next bitch to outshine you. I mean… it really is the little shit. 




10. Surprise him. 
         Come through with what he needs when he needs it. That’s really what we all need, don’t we? You shouldn’t be turned down when you want it and neither should he. This is the type of thing that makes someone go elsewhere. Our needs need to be fulfilled. Maslow said so. And your needs should align. If you don’t agree with his needs, or he doesn’t agree with yours, then you aren’t doing for each other what needs to be done. Simply put, that’s a pointless ass relationship and you should invest your time in something more beneficial. 
      Come through for him. Do when he expects it (it’ll surprise him). Granted, you aren’t his sex slave… but if you’re already tired of the sex…. This is where it’s okay to ask why? If you don’t want to do it, it can’t be that good…. so why bother? You’re not fulfilled. Personally, I want to want to do it. If I don’t , I’m not forcing myself to. Ever.  If you’re forcing yourself to have intimate relations,   you need to step back and understand how unfair that is to yourself. You should never submit yourself to that. Your body is yours. You don’t have to give it to him because he asks for it and no one has the right to demand it nor take it from you. Ever. You should want him to have it. And if you don’t want to give every square inch of yourself to him, he’s not the one.  Don’t give him nothin. Period. (Especially if he’s not treating you special., soon he’ll get desperate & go down and bless you. & When he comes up for there, grab your bag & get the fuck outta there –as Mr. Carter told us in #MyAnthem. Told you I’d Show You How to do this 😉 
 And do him when he’s least expecting it (it’ll also surprise him).  
He’ll enjoy that more. 
I told you, they’re easy.
Buena Suerte, Ladies. 
ELLA. 
PS: If the hater in you is asking, “If you know so much, where’s your man?” I fucked up on #6. It’s an easy one to overlook when you justify everything in the name of love. & it took me a long time to understand that I can be (and  should be and will always be) separate from someone and still be at one with them. S/O to When He Left Me cuz he’s the only one who did. It woke me the f*ck up tho.   I’m pretty #gucci with the rest tho.  Ask about me. I’ve always been a magnificent girlfriend.  *shrugs*

Really though, these are good tips for life in general.
 You don’t have to take my advice, but I’m usually right. 

Ask about me twice.