Maybe I’ll be alone on this one.. but I’ve got to comment on this. 

      I’m not sure where to place my trust. Do you  trust a female’s story because she bruises easier? Do you allow a man to go unpunished for an action that should never  be committed? Let’s get passed the Rihanna and Chris issue (because no one really knows what happened in that car) and fast-forward to Joe Budden & Ester Baxter. 

    Joey has been out of the mainstream airwaves but his latest argument with video vixen turned housewife has gotten much press lately. So… I decided to investigate on my own (as much I could). So, this article  talks about the release of Joey’s new song, “Ordinary Love Shit Pt. # (Closure)”  which is to the beat of Frank Ocean‘s Novacane.  And really, Joey tells his whole tale. It’s his side of the story. He calls her out. He gives out the information she probably wouldn’t have released herself. For example, his line that reads, “lead a lifestyle we lived but you didn’t want to work.” Apparently there was some domestic violence that even Joey admits although he says that he didn’t attack her, he “restrained” her. But… there were troubles in this relationship that go beyond that one (& hopefully not more) instance. I’m not condoning Joey’s actions, but if someone threw my laptop against the wall, it’s on. If I threw a man’s laptop against the wall, I’m bracing myself. It’s not okay for him to hit me, but it’s not okay for me to act a fool either. 

        I think that, sometimes, women overstep their limits. You’re dealing with a man. Naturally, physically, he is stronger than you. They are a particular breed of human that feeds off aggressiveness and aims to prove themselves by conquering and dominating others. That’s what men do. They compete. & They aim to win. When you pick a male as your opponent, you have to realize you’re not in the same class. So you’ll hit him. And if you’re lucky, it’ll hurt him. But when he swings back, no matter how lightly he does it, you’ll feel it. A featherweight should never challenge a heavyweight. And the heavyweight, knowing he is a heavyweight, will not challenge the featherweight. Instead, he’ll put the featherweight down really quickly to avoid the mess. And that’s what I think is happening.

       Here’s some honesty: As a female, I’ve tried it. You hit a man with a “this nigga better not hit me” mindframe and most of the time, it works out. A rational man, when attacked by an unstable female, pushes, chokes and restrains. I mean… what would you do? You can’t expect him to roll into a ball and cower… although I’ve had a man do so. But if a man hits you once, he’ll hit you twice. I had an ex once who was a bit aggressive. And, I’ll admit, I liked it like that. One time, he swung at me while I was driving. I forget why. We fought all the time but this was the first time he’d laid his hands on me. I pulled all my cards. I stopped the car. I yelled. I screamed. I tripped. Somehow, I forgave him. I allowed it to be just an accident. It might have been. But a fuck-up is going to fuck up. A lot.  

        Later on that summer, we were driving to the beach with his friends. (This one I remember.) We were having a conversation about Tupac and he was upset that I said Tupac used lines from books in his songs. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, because a lot of the time, I say shit because I’m probably  right anyways.  But he really got mad. To the point of calling me this and that name. So I decided that when we parked, I’d drop him off and head back home. It was a bitch moved because I had driven down a car-load of people but I was upset. So he took my keys. All I remember is that I followed him. Yelling. Screaming. Probably calling his mother names and he did the same to me. It was a show we put on. I don’t remember anything we said in particular except him saying he’d leave me lying in the woods for someone to come find me. “You’re gonna kill me?” I asked. “Do it,” I yelled. “Kill me,” I taunted. Eventually it got phycial and he pushed me into bushes that scratched my back and I have the marks there to this day. But I got up. I chased him. I literally dove off a rock into the lake to swim after him. Now I wanted to kill him. 

      If I told you that I remember how that day ended, I’d be lying. But I know I went back to him. It was the thrill of it all. Of a man who wanted me so badly by his side he wouldn’t let me go. It was a perverse sense of love I had never experienced. A man who would fight for me. Even more, a man who would fight me for me. And that’s exactly what it was. I left to college that fall leaving him and his love behind. But he’d call my dorm room. He’d leave messages on the answering machine telling my poor roommate that I was a whore and that he was going to kill me when I went back home. And this is where I start to see Esther’s side of the story. 

       Maybe she wasn’t hoe’ing around. But more than likely, she was. I know that I was at the club until 6am the nights my ex couldn’t get in contact with me. And I got so tired of lying that I simply wouldn’t answer the phone. He ran my phone bill up $300 I couldn’t afford so I couldn’t have picked  up if I had wanted to. But Esther’s a bitch. On May 3rd, her every Tweet was about Joey. She even tagged him in her posts. She went on and on about how the facts are in “the courts” and retweeted her followers comments. If she was that respectable of a women, wouldn’t she keep her business to herself? She’s behaving like a child, from my perception. And perhaps that’s what got her roughed up in the fist place. A woman wouldn’t take that shit from Joey, but a naive girl will. Tagging him in posts about being a wife beater (though she had no ring) and a murderer was uncalled for. Granted, Mr. Buddens wasn’t in the right, but no one deserves to have pictures of their miscarried child splayed across the internet. Even more so, shouldn’t it have been more painful for Miss Baxter to have released those photos?

       I don’t know what the world is coming to. Obviously Joey has problems. But from my latest Google search, this isn’t the first time he’s been involved in an altercation of this sort. When you’re involved with a man like that, you have to adjust accordingly –ifhe’s actually what you want. Some men have a worse temper than others. Some men do beat women for no reason. But if you’re throwing laptops against the wall, please don’t play the victim. You are both at fault. The person instigating the fight doesn’t get off just because they got beat up. You picked fights with him. And let’s be honest, Esther,you liked it. It was exciting. It made you feel wanted. Someone out there was going crazy over you. You were wanted. And we all know that’s all girls want. We want to be the center of someone’s world–even if our means is to drill our way in.

        I don’t believe her. And honestly, I don’t believe Rihanna (although Breezy did do too much). But I don’t think it’s right to leave a woman off the hook. If a man needs anger counseling, that woman might too. There’s something wrong with both  of them. When we ask the question, Why would he hit her? we need to follow up with a why is she staying? There are deeper issues to be addressed. When a person stays with someone who obviously doesn’t deserve them, their psychology needs to fall under questioning. Perhaps they were abused previously. Perhaps they have self-esteem issues. Perhaps the bitch is just dumb. I don’t mean to be so outlandish and I understand that there are double standards. A man should never hit a woman. But a man should also never feel like he can get away with hitting you. I know there if I were to make a call, I’d have the situation handled immediately. I simply question these women. Either they need more help or better parenting. What kind of woman lets a man abuse her.

      I know it happens. And it happens a lot. But perhaps we need to look at this from a different angle. Why are the world’s children growing up this way? Someone is raised a man who beats women and self-rationalizes his actions time and time again, perhaps by buying her pretty things to make her feel pretty again. And someone else is raised their daughter to desire to live off the wealth of a man and make no contribution so she repays him by being a human punching bag.

We need to do a better job, people