You shouldn’t know someone’s schedule. Actually, a guy should know a girls routine, but women shouldn’t concern themselves with the dealings of their men. Perhaps we’ve been given too much in achieving equality. The more questions we ask, the more restrained he feels. Man was destined to be free. You can’t take authority over someone. But you can submit yourself to someone if you so choose. That, I don’t think is a bad idea. The issues arise, not from the actual act of submission, rather the result of who you submit to, why and when. A good girl is a good girl, is a good girl. A good dude is a good dude but he’s still a dog. I think women are more capable of love than men are… Or rather, they are more easily willing. When a man loves, he loves hard. When a woman loves, she loves immaturely and often. That’s where the first problem comes to play. Every guy scoring 7 or greater on the scale winds up being a possible contender when, in reality, he shouldn’t even be in the running. I have to admit that i’ve sat beside men –many men– and wondered, “what the fuck am I doing with this guy?”
          Not every one is the one. & we shouldnt be required to make exceptions so that we feel like better people. If looks matter, they matter. If money matters, it matters. If music matters, it matters. If peas matter, they matter. It’s okay to know what matters to you. Sometimes I feel like a terrible person because im more concerned with what I WANT more than how “good” this guy might be. But shouldn’t I be? Because the truth is, if I don’t love you, this is a dangerous game for you to partake in, I recommend you watch from a distance. I recommend you shield your heart.
        I’m a selfish person. I always have been. Over the years (or passed year maybe) I’ve been consciously working on it. I haven’t changed one bit. I’m just as selfish as I used to be. The problem, I’ve realized, is that others think they deserve my kindness simply for breathing the same air as I do. Brutal truth? I only love people who put money in the bank for me: my mom, my sister, my boss. These niggas don’t know shit about me. They don’t know I’m house sitting for a week and a half for no pay because my co-worker is fabulous and deserves it. They don’t know I went all the way to New Jersey to wait for my boss’s repair man. They don’t know that when I bring in brownies to work, I make sure there’s enough for everyone. They don’t know that in gave that little boy in the park good enough tips that he stopped missing his shots. Or that I let him play with my pink ball because I’m afraid he doesn’t have one of his own… And that little boy don’t put no cash in my account, but he’d deserve a friend at that moment. They don’t know I hope to see him again. & how, if somehow I could stay fly, I’d give all my time to coach boys basketball (7-9 is my fav age). They don’t know me. They don’t know in tell my sister she’s gorgeous as much as I can because I believe it and she saved my life. They don’t know I sat with my mom at the graveyard and tried to give her reference points to find her son’s tomb because no one else has taken the time and they probably never will. They don’t know shit about me.
         What I meant to say before my soul leaked is… they don’t know you either. Don’t let them tell you perfect isn’t possible. That the man of your dreams lives only in your dreams or that those dreams are foolish. Lots of great ideas originate in dreams. Why not yours? Because I’m a single lady, my mind wanders into love on its own but this same logic should apply to other facets of your life as well. Like… It’s okay to like your job. I think people say they don’t like what they do to make it sound boring… Or to make themselves sound too cool for life –I’m too sexy for this job?— It’s okay to be lame. It’s okay to read books. It’s okay to keep your legs closed. It’s okay to do whatever you feel is the right thing. It’s okay to hold off on having children until you are where you’d like to be in your career. It might be even more okay to wait for a man you trust  before having said children. Oh yea… And it’s okay for people to do the opposite. These are things that are okay and, dont you worry, there are more: It’s okay to want your man to be successful. To be a success yourself. It’s okay to be alone. Especially for a little bit. Especially if you’ve never really been alone. It’s okay to like being alone. It’s okay for a guy to like you —you minus sex. It’s okay to want to them to. To need them to, to require them to. & it’s okay if you don’t. *shrugs* But, the next time you wonder, you know exactly why.
It’s okay, as long as you come back in one piece.