You hear the word and start running. What he doesn’t know is that you’ve been waiting. All you needed was justification. What you don’t realize is that the tables have turned. Or at least they’ve begun to. The obvious secret at this point is to keep being yourself.

       Things get hard when you’re alone. You have to figure out, night after night, how to entertain yourself in solitude. You’ve got to figure out something to do. At this point, many of us turn to friends –using them only when we need them. Then abandoning them once we think we’ve chained “love” to our beds. But what happens when your friends have their own things to do? Or even better, you’ve outgrown them? This is when mistakes happen. It’s is the point where you scroll through the contacts in your phone and remind lonely men of your existence –not that you need to. The lonely men call every three weeks in a solid rotation. Then there are the blocked calls every night at 2:33am from someone who’s losing sleep over you. But what happens when none of these can satisfy you? This is when you know that you’ve grown.

    This is the perfect time to improve YOURSELF. Pick up a book. Or a basketball. Or a pen… Or whatever it is that calls to you. If all else fails, ready the bible, man. Do something. We spend so much time trying to figure out what’s coming out next season that we forget to upgrade the most important parts of ourselves: our minds. I can’t deny having been there. I can’t say MAC Cosmetics hasn’t filtered hundreds of dollars from my account. Occasionally in a single instance. But I can tell you that as you fix your outsides, you insides slowly deteriorate.

     I won’t bullshit you either. The outside matters. Your attire matters. Your shoe game matters. The quality of concealer matters. But all that means nothing if you’re an ugly person on the inside. Can’t no amount of money change that. I threw out my TV. I also forgot my charger in Philly. I’m almost completely detached from the “popular” world. It’s just that no one can teach me anything anymore. No one but myself. There’s nothing science fiction can do for me at the moment. People ask me how I can spend so much time alone and, honestly, it’s not that hard. I bust my ass all day at work. I come home tired. & i can tell you from experience, I’m not ready to have a man PRESENT in my life. Right now, I’m tired. I come home and want to do nothing. A good woman would come home & fix dinner for her man. I understand that. But right now, I can’t be that.

    Never promise more than you can come thru for –no matter how badly you want to do it. We lie. Not only to others, but to ourselves. We know what we can and can’t do. What we do and don’t have time for. But sometimes, we make exceptions. We convince ourselves to go along with it all in the name of love. All just so that we don’t have to be alone. Sometimes, your feelings propel you faster than you can go.

Slow & steady. That’s all we need to do. Keep it just the way it is. It’ll be perfect when we get there.

-Sent from my iPad