‘Bout the baddest girl I’ve ever seen. Straight up out the movie screen. Who knew she was a drama queen that’ll turn my life to Stephen Kings’s? Kanye West, “Robocop”
You always wonder what to say. We all aim to make the best impression… but in altering who you are to satisfy someone else, you lose exactly what it was you came for. I prefer to meet in the worst of situations. That way, anything you find out beside that will make me appear a better person. I always wanted to meet my “guy” at the club or while I’m out so that he’ll have first-hand experience of how I act when I’m out. So that he can trust me. If I was the girl drunk & toppling over… expect me to be drunk and toppling over. I mean… I’ve been that girl before, but now I’m the chick alone at the bar –ordering Alize & ignoring everyone. I might still be drunk, but I have better balance now 😉 When men would talk about how terrible it is to meet a girl at the club, I hadn’t ever taken the time to understand what that says about a guys at the club… but no matter where you are, you are who you are. The best way to get to know someone is to watch while they’re not looking.
You shouldn’t change. You can mature. You can become more comfortable, but you should try to remain the same person you were because that’s who your partner was attracted to to begin with. When my brother-in-law met my sister, they were both students at Fordham U. He was the football player and my sister was the brilliant little Latina –complete with the shoulder-length gel-drenched curls and dark brown lipstick (which I eventually stole. All hail the 90s!). Then, one day, she cut her hair. Chopped. Above the ears. “I didn’t like it,” my brother-in-law said, years later. “That’s not how I met her.” I mean… he’s right. If a man speaks to you, it’s because he liked you in that instant. Exactly how you are –at least you should expect him to. There’s no need to change who you are. This is when the loud girls get shy and the confident girls begin to doubt. The secure girls get a taste of envy and whores become housewives. Men fall for it all, though. That girl is going to be exactly who she was when you met her.
They key, is to be you no matter what. Fight yourself to be yourself without interference. If he likes you, he’ll like you. And if you want him to like you for you, allow him the opportunity to see that. Allow him to see the good and the bad upfront and make an informed decision. I know I’ve mislead men myself. I come off as quiet, shy and sweet when in reality I’m opinionated, bossy and… experimental. It’s easy to change to accommodate someone else’s feelings just so that they’ll like you. Just so that you won’t lose them. But maybe, if we would just be who we say we are, we wouldn’t end up in so many stressful “you’ve changed” relationships. People don’t change. No matter how hard we try. It’s unreasonable to ask someone else to change, & it’s more unrealistic to claim that you will change. Not only is that that you can’t change, but you shouldn’t. Let people meet the real you. I still have as bad an attitude as I ever had, I simply have more control over it. I’m just as loud. Just as stubborn. Just as moody. Just as flyy 😉 But I’m happier –because I’m aware of these things and have accepted them as integral parts of my character which have gotten me as far as I am today. I can’t be that terrible of a person.
Go about your life as you used to. The good & the bad. Eventually, the bad will fade as it’s replaced by better intentions –as one learns and matures. You can only keep up a facade for so long. You can only extend yourself beyond your true being for so long before you wear yourself thin and run out of tricks. People are actually more normal than they pretend to be. The “spontaneous” and “romantic” guys will have you eating popcorn in the couch for the rest of your life. Don’t make any promises you can’t keep. It is better to exceed expectations than to fail to live up to them. Don’t see yourself short, but don’t claim to be everything and more. Insist on your perfections, but you must clearly disclose your flaws. In your honesty, you’ll find someone who you match with more genuinely. Someone who enjoys the same things you do –and if not, a person who does things that you admire even if you wouldn’t do them yourself. You’ll begin to pinpoint your actual “type” beyond height and skin tone. I like a man who reads. Who is involved with his family. Who can speak proper English if needed but drops the G’s if ain’t nothin’ happenin’. He doesn’t have to use punctuation, but he should know where it goes. The most fascinating things about a person are the things no one can see but you.
When genuinely you get to know a person, you can look passed the physical. I won’t give you that BS about how appearance doesn’t matter. It does. 110%. You should love what they look like –even if they are not the Hollywood-Certified definition of beautiful. But you shouldn’t be affected by it. You should do things because of how attractive that person is, rather in spite of it. Sometimes, you’ll start talking to a really hot guy and change your whole shit just to please him. You try to play wife automatically because you just want to tie him down. Then you get to know each other… smh. It’s okay to want someone to be yours. Its better to want them to be yours forever. Its important to want them as an individual.
That’s the only way to be loved for being you.
& the easiest way keep the love going 😉