Picture cred: http://thedeafsage.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/shit-hits-the-fan.jpg?w=300&h=121

      A lot of shit has happened. Mainly, I’m single again. I was in a relationship for approximately 3 days last week & I’m excited to tell you all about it. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that 3 days of excitement leaves a month worth of posts, and I assure you, there is much to follow. 

    Truth be told, I don’t want to be alone. I’m not sure if this is a bad thing. Is it wrong to want one person to yourself? Or should I say, “Fuck the world. I don’t need anyone.” Or do I need more than just one and fuck the whole world? I’m sure you know which route I chose. I didn’t want to be one the side. I never do. & I always follow my own rules (Rule #1, Never be #2). Funny thing about that post is… that same guy ended up being my boyfriend (lol… he cant really count, tho). In retrospect, I should have guessed this wouldn’t end well, but I’m a sucker for boys with degrees on their walls, business cards in their wallets and money in the bank. And he certainly put in his all to make me feel like #1. 
    He wasn’t terrible. Actually, he was super sweet. He was fun. Had a pretty smile. Took charge. Held his own like a man and made me feel like his lady. He dealt with my attitude (most of time & believe me, that’s a skill) like most others pretend to. He did a lot. Took me out when I wanted. Bought me Fudge Striped cookies for my late night munchies and had an L rolled every morning. But over all, I think I wore him out. More so, I think he wasn’t used to someone like me –someone used to men like him. 
     Here’s what “happened” according to him. Someway, somehow, I blurted out how I wouldn’t date him if he didn’t take me out. He got “upset” and didn’t want to talk anymore. He went on about how that was a fucked up statement to make blah blah… 
“Don’t fuck with me then,” I told him simply. 
“I won’t. I don’t,” He responded.
Click, went my phone. 
Then… he texted me this, verbatim: 
“I remember I bought those shoes for you and I thought you were going to return the gesture to make an impression on me that you care about how I look but your too willing to not do anything for me but cook a meal that I NEVER ask for.”
LMFAO. Then I reminded him those shoes were for my birthday. Why would I “return the gesture” when your birthday isn’t until.. ummm.. December-ish? I told him those home cooked meals don’t buy themselves. That spinach omelet didn’t make itself. & that frozen french toast didn’t toast itself! That’s why I don’t cook for niggas forreal. lmao. Ungrateful bastards! Oh.. & check this [excuse me, because I think this is all hilarious. I feel like….. I THINK I NEED A BARBEEERRR. NONE OF THIS NIGGAS CAN FADE MEEEE. lmao.]
“oh well, I get you a birthday gift and you think you deserved it? I barely knew [you] but I knew I liked you so I wanted to do something nice for you. You don’t do anything for me besides make me food I DON’T ask for.”

Fuck. He hates  my food. lol. Well… hey, I do, too. That’s why I like to be taken out to eat šŸ™‚

     I’m not sure why he wanted to spend money on me. That’s his problem, though. Sometimes I felt like it was because he wanted to. Other times, I didn’t think much of it, I simply assumed he understood his role as a man. Eventually though, there were requests for other things only certain women get paid for. I tried to be good him. & since I couldn’t return the favor in the way he asked, I decided I’d get on my game and become a woman for him. You know.. the whole cook, clean, laundry thing. But apparently, that wasn’t enough. I thought that’s what he wanted. I thought he’d appreciate it. Nope. I didn’t expect it to happen this way. I didn’t expect him to ask me to buy him things and spend money on him. That was the last thing I expected. Truthfully, I figured maybe he wanted more head. (lol) But, I’m more of a man than he is, obviously. 
    But in any “breakup”, there’s the reason you break up and the real reason you break up. Because, in any break up, there’s one person who wants more, and the other has to decide its done. This time around, it’s me. & I’m only saying that because I know I can have him back if I want him. How do I know? Because he left his watch at my place. So he’s been texting me for it… but the “goodnight” text message that accompanied shouldn’t have been sent. Never mind his posting on my wall. 

The list below are both the reasons why it didn’t work and why I’ll never go back.  
I’ll eventually link them to posts explaining each. Give me some time šŸ˜‰ 

1.  He doesn’t want to take me out to eat anymore. & when a man complains about spending money, it’s because he has way less that he makes out. & I’m not here to hear about his financial issues. I have my own. Sorry, I’m not a “ride or die”. I work hard & survive. I don’t have time to monitor someone else’s financials. That’s what an accountant is for.

2. He expects me to buy him things. For that, I’ll either date a hot chick or have a kid.
 He’s not my son to raise.

3. His Penis. (You’ll want to read this one.)

4. He’s not the man I want.

5. I can abuse him too easily.

6. He’s not famous.

7.  He pee’d in my cups.
(Yep. Piss. In my drinking glasses.)
& There’s no coming back from that.
The icing on the fucking cake, huh? 

Stay Tuned, y’all. My life; your entertainment.