Black and ugly as ever. However, I stay Coogi down to the socks. – Notorious B.I.G “One More Chance.”
There is a guard up.
And for that I apologize but I cannot take it down, for the world has thrown too much of me. My guard is no secret. Its visible. It’s my dark skin. & for some reason, it inhibits people from seeing me. From witnessing my beauty. They see the color of my skin and stop looking. They turn away from me. Finally, I see that you understand. I was hesitant to read the article Black Beauty
and its discussion on the “less attractiveness” of Black women because of two reasons: I was afraid and I was hurt. The first time I tried to read your piece, I stopped in the middle of Kanazawa’s scientific explanation as to why I (as a Black woman, I take this article to be speaking to me directly) am less attractive than other women and I simply could not stomach it. The piece was reminiscent of another piece I couldn’t make it through: Do you remember those stories about the scientists who would disect black people in an effort to explain why blacks were better athletes? I can’t quite remember the details; Google is no help and I know this isn’t sounding like the most reliable article… but… please bear with me. For, these are just my thoughts.
Afraid and hurt. I was afraid you would agree. Afraid I’d get upset. I was afraid you’d be right and afraid I’d believe you. I was hurt that the conversation was even taking place. Ashamed for anyone who believes the mess and in reality, I’d rather not fill my head with nonsense. It simply makes no sense for me to purposely listen to someone talk badly about me. I try to avoid stress as much as I can. I have no more room for pain. I know the argument and I’ve never cared to hear the reasons. If someone doesn’t think I’m attractive, well hey. Your loss. I won’t buy, for one second, that the difference lay in the actual physical, but rather the personality of the black woman. People are afraid of even the most beautiful black woman due to the traits ascribed to us before we breathe our first breath: Aggressive, loud, obnoxious, (my fav) ghetto. But there are reasons for all this that cannot be explained through science. How this same idea has brought many a black women to hold herself in low esteem, letting the world get the best of her until she gets tired of it all and takes on a “fuck you” attitude that is almost impossible to leave behind because… well, the shit works. I haven’t met many white women who hold grudges as much as women of color do (when I refer to white women, I mean plainly and simply the most stereotypical definition you think. By women of color… I kind of mean all others, perhaps except Asian cultures –including the Middle East– as their dating and social interactions are much different than ours. More so though, I suppose I am speaking of American white vs American Black as that is what I know personally and for me to discuss peoples I have no experience with would be… stupid. ) Moving on…
Still, I cannot agree with your synopsis and/or reasoning at the end. You explain that the hardship black women face may take a toll on their physical and I can see some truth in that. I can see how you arrive at that conclusion: bruising leaves scars. And I can also see that you’re trying to help us out. But the only response I want to hear is something along the lines of, “Black Women are beautiful” and that is all. No further explanation. No in depth reasoning. And while I greatly appreciate your obvious concern and appreciation for the black woman, it doesn’t make us feel any better that you agree. Regardless of your reason for agreeing and regardless of if there is some “truth” to it (as there is with any stereotype). The fact that you provided an alternate explanation only leads me to believe that there is a part of you that agrees with the statement. Now the rest of this piece is my opinion. I simply don’t think you did a good enough job standing up for me. You left me feeling like a lost cause. Like I had to “deal” with not being liked. Like if someone were to find me beautiful, it’d have to be despite, my skin color. Because the only difference between a white and black woman is the color of her skin, I’m sure you are aware. But there was no discussion on familiarity of skin tone. How being side-by-side with a skin tone the opposite of yours might simply not be pleasing to the eye. I looked at the paleness of the legs of one of my co-workers and all I could think was jellyfish. & perhaps maybe when they see me, they do see monkey, I wouldn’t blame them. Still, there was no discussion on that.
The following is for my sistas. In defense of your beauty.
Black women are not less attractive than white women. For all women are owners of their own individual beauty. Even the ones who are torn down, raped, beat, abused and looked down upon. In fact, they are the most beautiful. Black women have been the victims of sexual abuse for ages… can you please explain why this is so if they are not beautiful? If there is not some attraction? The reason black women are “less attractive” is because we allow this conversation to take place. And we feed into it. We brainstorm reasons why as opposed to reasons why not, or reasons why the proposition should be dismissed. This simply another debate that is accepted now but will wash over in time.
Blacks are less human than whites.
–because whites simply had more trading power and enslaved their black counterparts. And, when observed wearing no clothing and living amongst the animals, the newcomers and “explorers” considered them animals as well.
Black women are worth less than black men.
—because women get pregnant and are incapable for months during harvesting times.
Blacks are less intelligent than whites.
—because they are not exposed to the same educational opportunities as whites, and due to the inequalities in this country and social imprisonment, most black kids have personal issues to deal with before (and after) they can tend to their studies. Not to mention, their parents can’t afford fancy math camps so we go to free sports camps in the summer and fall behind our wealthier (usually white) peers.
Blacks are more physically capable than whites.
—because African weather/land is more similar to southern Americas than it is to the Europeans, therfore, the enslaved had prior knowledge of how to work the land. & in current day, there are few after school programs besides sports because it requires less attentiveness/materials/supplies and skill to teach kids play a sport than to teach them math and science, especially with outdated books because the system can’t afford new ones.
Black women are less attractive than white women.
—because everyone blindly agrees. Even black women. So as teenage girls we give ourselves to the world thinking that no one could possibly love us with so many other (more) beautiful women out there. We internalize our ugliness and our black brothers do the same. Then, they don’t think we are beautiful. And if your own kind doesn’t want you, then no one does. And if no one wants you, you must be less attractive. And this causes the intellectuals to search for reasons to explain it all. In any way possible & for some reason,we’re afraid to say otherwise.
We don’t believe you; you need more people. Maybe the real reason is that whoever believes that hasen’t been around the right black women. I mean, Halle Berry tops lists year after year. Explain, please? Or, because she’s beautiful, we take her black away and explain that it’s due to her white mother? Well I’d challenge that it is just as likely that she is beautiful due to her black father. These things are only “true” when someone believes them. If you believe that whites are better than blacks, then, they are. And vice versa. YOU believe it. You bring it to life. You make it reality. You can believe what you want, but that sure as fuck is not my truth. There is not one reason why Black women aren’t as attractive as other races. If anything, I think we are more attractive… oh, and as for this:
“It is very interesting to note that, even though black women are objectively less physically attractive than other women, black women (and men) subjectively consider themselves to be far more physically attractive than others. In Wave III, Add Health asks its respondents to rate their own physical attractiveness subjectively on the following four-point scale: 1 = not at all, 2 = slightly, 3 = moderately, 4 = very. As you can see in the following graphs, both black women and black men rate themselves to be far more physically attractive than individuals of other races.” (Kanazawa)
So, if we think that we’re attractive, why doesn’t that count for something? My vote doesn’t count? This is why I never trust statistics and “research”, because it can be used for evil depending on who is looking at the data. Ok… so white people might not find black people attractive. So the fuck what? I, for one, am not interested in dating a white person –man or woman- so it makes no difference to me. We see ourselves as attractive, why isn’t that enough? What we think of ourselves holds no value? Is this a way to say, Black people think they hot, but they not. That’s fine that you like yourself, but we’re here to tell you your ugly. No. The truth is, we find ourselves (and those like us) attractive, therefore we are attractive.
There is no excuse for a white person to not consider me an equal.
But if they don’t find me attractive, I… umm… don’t give a fuck. I apologize for the vulgarity but, personally, I’m not fighting for anyone’s acceptance. I don’t think anyone should. If I want to see black faces, I don’t walk down Wall street, I take my ass right up to Lenox Ave in Harlem where I know I’m wanted. Just saying. You don’t need to be accepted by everyone and I think we need to stop fighting for that. The only reason attractiveness matters is in choosing a partner; dating and romance. Wouldn’t it be better to be with someone who thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world? Regardless of that person’s skin color and regardless of yours? I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
In sum: Frogs don’t give a fuck what the fish think. They sit on their lily pads and keep it movin’.
I liked this article
. Shatter the stereotypes. End the racism.
& I’m sorry if this sounds angry. Not angry at you (writer), per se. I’m simply upset that we keep having these conversations & tired of defending myself against simple, ignorant bullshit. &I’m a black woman. I have a bad attitude, don’t ya know? 😉
& I write all my posts in 30min to and hour… as I multitask and do my real job so ummm… deal with the typos. lol… This is real.