I’ve got a friend (now) named Mr. Hip. & when I say friend, I mean it. There a select few I’ve chosen to share my life with and even less whose issues I’m interested in return. The problem with him is, he’s a friendly guy. And truly so. If you’re friend’s with Mr. Hip, you know it. He will go the extra mile for you… and then a mile more. I always wondered how his girlfriends faired with him since he is naturally and jokingly flirtatious. But in all honesty, that wasn’t much of my concern because he and I had a true friendship. Perhaps my truest. When we first started hanging out, I limited it all, unsure of it he wanted more. But he truly is a good time and a “comrade”in all senses of the word. The other day, he texted me something about Twitter and his girlfriend being upset. Something about me, maybe? Regardless of the specifics, it was all the same. Even Joey, in his interview with Power 105.1, talks about having arguments with Esther over something on Twitter. It happens to the best and worst of people in all circles. Jealousy is… it’s there. And it’s hard to get passed no matter how grand your apparent confidence, & especially when your level of celebrity is heightened. There’s another thing –Mr. Hip knows everyone. He really does. If it weren’t for Mr. Hip, I wouldn’t have 70% of the friends I have now. He’s a terrific judge of character. I’ve never disliked anyone he introduced me to. & I’ve never disliked any of his girlfriends. So, since Im his friend, I try to help him out if I can. & t’s a lot easier to comment on relationship issues when you’re removed from it. It makes is “not my problem.”
So… his girlfriend gets mad. & I understand that. I would, too. I wrote “Internet Dating” with that in mind but certainly from a different perspective. Right now, I’m the one with more going on online than my partner. So if anyone were to be upset, it’d be him. Now, no disrespect to the girlfriend, but there’s no way she knows as many people as Mr. Hip does. So she has the fight the battle from the opposite end. But before I could respond to Mr. Hip on his situation, I had to see how mine played out. “I’m never looking at that shit again. Ever.” He said it himself. I don’t know how much of the blog he read but according to him, he “went in that one day.” Poor guy. He was probably exposed to way more than he had bargained for but it was out there. & there was a slight benefit to it. He got to see me removed from him. He was able to sort of…observe me. To watch me in my natural environment. & Mr. Hip, that’s what your girlfriend has gone & done.
Here’s how it goes: You connect with him on every social media. You check his profile. You find out who every person is in every picture with him. You need to know what that history is. You see his tagged photos. Who tagged him? Any kissing photos? If he comes out clean there, you move onto the wall. You check to see who posts on his wall the most. If you know he has history with someone, you go back enough to retrace that entire relationship. You figure it out. You know what was said when. You “see friendship” as much as you can, just so that you’re sure. You can’t have missed anything. You need to know it all. You watch him on Twitter. But this has to be close. The conversations move fast. Who are these girls? There’s so little info. All you can do is watch. & All you hope is that there isn’t a DM behind it all. You worry. You get nervous. You just…can’t stop watching.
You asked me if you should stop Tweeting. In our world, social networking is as natural as… ummm… breathing? Have you met people without Twitter? Even worse, without Facebook? I know I give them a second look and wonder where they’ve been the past decade. For her to expect you to stop Tweeting is inconsiderate and a bit too much. She knows that. Regardless, it is what she’d like. Still, she knows that’s outrageous and (assuming she’s sane) wouldn’t ask you to do so. So here’s second best: What she’d like, honestly, is for you to tweet her and only her. And maybe a friend here and there. But mostly her. & show the world how into her you are. Make her feel as beautiful online as you do in person –no matter the medium.
The digital world is just that, another world. In day-to-day dealings with someone, I know I require a lot of attention. If we’re in the same room, there will be no progress. I like attention & I want it all to myself. The presence of another world is simply another place for you to determine if you are ignored or reveled. It opens up communication between you two, yes… but it also opens you up to the rest of the world. In person, your girlfriend has all your attention. Rarely does she need to worry about anyone else, unless you’re apart. But online, she’s always in competition with someone else. At least, that’s what it feels like. You’re always on display to the world. There’s too many opportunities for you to be stolen. To be enticed. Or… “entertained” as men like to call it. Just as we like to feel like royalty when we’re with you, we want to feel liked no matter where you’re posting your thoughts. & you don’t necessarily have to Tweet or tag us consistently, just don’t do it to the other bitches either.
So what do you do? Because it’s unfair for you to have to disable all of your accounts, but you don’t want her to keep buggin, right? How about… watch your mouth? Social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter are just Match.com on Ritalin. People meet each other. They look at each other. They flirt. They take part in conversations they might never have in person. It opens doors. Social Networking is a “singles” thing depending on how you do it. You don’t have to flirt with girls. And just because you know someone, that doesn’t make them a close friend. When you joke around with real female friends, you should keep it clean for two reasons:
1. If that is your friend, you wouldn’t/shouldn’t talk to her like that and
2. Because that is your friend, you wouldn’t/shouldn’t talk to her like that.
Luckily, my guy isn’t social network heavy. I unfriended him on Facebook, like I told you all in “Internet Dating” and he only follows one person on Twitter: Me. & I like that. So I decided that’s the reason why. We [females] would rather be the ones getting all of the attention. You can be on there. but it shouldn’t be your world. You shouldn’t be obsessed with social networking. It makes us wonder why you’re always on there and who you’re really talking to. It’s not that we want to be jealous… it just happens.
I know it’s a bizarre way of thinking but… we’re females. And that’s simply how I see it. & If her mind works anything like mine, I’m sure she’ll agree. & here’s the difference. If your girl is pretty (& Mr. Hip, I’m sure you are well aware that yours is) guys will hit on her. And if she’s a decent person, she’ll write back whatever her version of “thank you” is because she doesn’t want to be rude. And a girl like attention no matter who it comes from. The problem with guys is that you all do most of the flirting. You don’t know how to respond to females without flirting back. Or, at least, very few of you do. We want you to shut them down every time. We want you to let all those girls know that they are nothing compared to us. No matter what she has. We want her to know that you want us and no one else. On the other hand, our job, as females, is to make men love us. We keep our crushes half-way entertained but we never have anything in mind so you shouldn’t get upset when we send smiley faces. We don’t do it because we’re flirting. We do it because we’re girls & that’s what girls do: Cute shit.
So no, don’t delete your accounts. & enjoy yourself on the sites. You need to have control over your own life even if you do love her. Just know that she’ll be watching. So your best bet is to alter the way you speak to females on these sites &, I promise, you’ll be all right. But… if you have a problem with how she talks to guys, you have the right to address that as well. Still, you should know that she probably does it so that you’ll see it. So that you’ll know that guys like her because (let’s be real) sometimes a man needs a little fire under his ass to act right. If you asked her to change her ways, I’m positive she will, as long as you change yours first.