Perhaps she was just angry when she said that to me. Or perhaps she sees something wrong with me that I don’t see. Or perhaps she can tell the future and I am going to end up alone. Or perhaps she hopes I end up lonely and alone…. perhaps because she is. Even Misery wants friends. Some people wish the worst on you. Some people wish upon you all of their misfortunes. And some people have the ability to drag you down –if you allow them to.
Put your trust in me girl, leave your friends along. And I don’t know how many guys have done you wrong. And I don’t know how many guys would sing a song… So let’s look to the future, girl. Cuz, babe, it’s on. – Ginuwine “None of Your Friend’s Business.”
She told me I’ll never find a real man. Not with an attitude like mine, at least. And it made me wonder… really sit back and think… Is it true? Will I never find a man. Or maybe I’ll just never find a real man. Which one is it? Which one does she think it’ll be? Not only was I bombarded with my own questions, but reality kept disputing her claims so I was left to wonder where she’d gathered her information to base her conclusion. Now, it can’t possibly be that I’ll never find a man. I meet a new one almost everyday. (There are fish in the sea, ladies.) My last date was last weekend and I’m trying to time my other suiters well enough so that I have at least one date -aka one good meal I don’t have to pay for — per weekend. And I have yet to fail, let me tell you.
Maybe I’ll never find a real man. I mean, maybe that’s what she meant. Like… a man who’s fully employed with benefits. One who allows me to call the shots. Who takes me out for dinner at the most random places and forces me to order bottles of wine? Or a man who will tell me to my face that he’s got me figured out” and is willing to do as I say and tell me what I want to hear if it’ll keep me around. Who covers the bill when I ask him to and withdrawals from his account don’t put him in a bad mood. A man who lays it down when I need him to and backs off when I speak to him sternly. A man who can make me leave all the little boys alone and be content in what I have? A man who will, if I play my cards right, hold me down for the rest of my life? You mean, a man like that? You can’t mean a man like that. Simply because I’ve got me one of those.
Seems that’s our greatest fear. By “our” I mean “women” and by “fear” I mean men. A good man can be the best thing to happen to a woman. We need men. & even if and when we don’t need them, we feel like we do. But this is more than just man & woman. Sometimes you just need someone to complete you… wait. Scratch that. You need someone to… upgrade you. To enhance you and your living experience. Someone to help you live your life in the most beneficial way possible.
My most honest warning: Avoid misery at all costs. Sometimes, this misery is your own; your own disbelief of being able to find someone to love you honestly and purely. Sometimes it’s an outside factor. Watch out for friends in your ear –and I mean this most literally. The people you listen to the most are sometimes the root of your own demise. Don’t let someone else live your life for you. Don’t let others influence the decisions you make for yourself. No one in or out of your relationship. In the same way you shouldn’t fix your life around your significant other, neither should you act according to what your friends say. The moment you start focusing on what other people think, you being to ignore your own thoughts. How can you ignore your own thoughts? How much sense does that make? You control your life –not anyone else and certainly not their opinions of you. It’s the sense of… “What you eat don’t make me shit.”
People -myself included- need to come to an understanding: What we think about anything outside of ourselves doesn’t matter. Granted, some people’s opinions hold more weight in the public ring, that is something we cannot escape. But we all have our private rings. I have shit to say. I do. And I will say it, no matter who the subject is. But I feel I am entitled to my opinion. Should that person, given my opinion, change their entire life? No. I’ll respect them whether they do or don’t. But I’m not going to stop talking. I don’t expect anyone to stop talking.
See, this is why I think fame wouldn’t do a thing to me. I care what people think in the right proportions. You have to hear what people are saying. If they’re constantly saying you’re fat, it’s probable because you are. Now, you can ignore that (either out of pride or laziness) or you can change it. It’s on you. But you’ve got to expect people to talk. You have to allow them to. If you want them to speak well of you, you act accordingly. But you have to understand that there will always be someone out there who wishes the worst for you. It could be out of jealousy or envy, or it could be simply because you deserve it & someone had to say something. Either way, you can’t stop people from talking & if you think you can, you’re wasting a shit-load of energy. & You might miss out on something good. Previously, I was so concerned with what people around me would think of the real man I happened to stumble upon, and to be honest, they weren’t saying the nicest thing. But, you know what? He’s pretty perfect for me. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks as long as I am happy. I should love myself that much. Enough to take advantage of the blessings that come my way regardless of how other’s might view the situation. You should love yourself that much, too.
All I’m saying is that the next “big” decision you make, make sure you sit back for a while with your own thoughts. Try to figure out if your decision is truly yours. Remember the saying “follow your heart”? It’s really corny but you hear it all the time. Know why? Because so few people actually do it. So few people listen to themselves. If you sat in silence with yourself, you’d realize you are the nightly news. You are the entertainment. You are a big fuckin deal. & you deserve to be. If you’d just listen to yourself, you’ll find the reasons why. No one else can give these to you, even though we can all see it. But before you can appreciate the compliments, you’ve got to accept them first.