Will my investment be worth it? 


Re: Your Investment
CC: Financial Team

Dear Mr. You, 

       There’s plenty about me that might scare you. My mere existence for example. I mean… that I’m a Real Woman. There aren’t many of us out here. Some look like us. Some might even look… better. But don’t be fooled. Other versions, released by other companies, are exactly what they look like. Sloppy Women are sloppy. Pretty Women are pretty. Empty Women are empty. Real Women are Me. & By “Me”, I mean the women I represent: Ella’s. I congratulate you in coming across one. Better yet, I congratulate you in coming across The one. 

        This company, Ella Thought, is only interested in potential buyers. For, I am meant to be driven. In a previous conversation we had, I let you now that this particular make & model is not available for rental. We’d not put on extra, unnecessary miles as it devalues the product. Depreciation is not in our best interest. 

        We do though, lend. The lending option means you can have me for a couple of hours. I am available for dinners, concerts, parties, festivals, movies and other activities where you’d just like to be accompanied by me. I am always available for shopping. (I am sure you’re aware that you’d like Super-Fly with me. ) This option excludes overnight stays and home visits. Ella does not put its best products in uncertain situations. But, I might say, you don’t strike  as me the “Lending” type. According to Ella requirements, you are not fully qualified to own, so I’ve considered a special  option for you. This is an option extended only to the best of our potential buyers. It is a specially constructed level of ownership fashioned for your particular situation. 

        I’d like to make you a Valued Client. Although you can cannot fully commit to ownership at this time, Ella has determined that we’d still value your involvement in the company. We’d like to offer you a Partnership. Ella will provide everything you need as long as you provide the maintenance. This is an  environmentally friendly product which runs on natural resources: Happiness, Love, Health, Smiles. For the most part, I am self-maintaining. But this model, the Ella Thousand, is the equivalent of a foreign car.  With regular maintenance, I’ll be the best purchase you ever made. Even if not regularly maintained, I still run better than most other vehicles on and off the road. But when I break down, I’m a bitch to fix. And the parts aren’t cheap. It’s not that the Ella Thousand is high maintenance. It’s actually low maintenance, but you’ve got to take really good care of it.  We expect you to treat the Ella Thousand like it is yours. It’s already pretty. Good body. Excellent mechanics. But you can throw some rims on it if it’s classy. Change the tires. Fill up the tank. & Give it a good wax when you can. 

Answers to FAQs complied for You: 

       Why should I invest? The Ella Thousand is a top of the line product. Reliable. Dependable. Can handle all terrain. Great history. Additionally, this product is geared only to improve as time progresses. As new options arise and the client changes, Ella Thousand is sure to change along with you. It accommodates to the situation without affecting the product. This is a growing product with automatic updates. It’s self maintenance makes sure it improves regardless of the customer. It is actually more likely that the product improves too much and too rapidly for the customer because it is already on an advance path. The Ella Thousand is made for a customer who has ambition to match, or better. One thing the Ella Thought does not do is fall behind. That is something this company swears behind 100%
     What if I’m not thinking that far ahead? No worries, you don’t have to. We’ve mentioned before that this product is advanced. If it does not think to the future, it is likely to be surpassed by other models and Ella cannot let that happen. For the “Right Now” client, the product is also a does everything it needs to do. Gets you from point A to point B. It’s your decision whether or not to go to C. But the Ella Thousand goes to Z if you want to go there. The Ella Thousand is guaranteed to be your “favorite.” You’ll want it. You’ll prefer it. When you have it, you’ll be completely satisfied. When you can’t have it, you’ll wish you did. You might not always think of it, and you might make other choices, but if you are ever in the position to make the “choice,” Ella will be the one. At least, that has been the case with anyone who took the step.

          How much maintenance are we talking about? Ella Thousand is comfortable in its current situation. As mentioned previously, the product is constantly updating. For it’s own best interest and yours. As a company, we have highly value the ideals of hard-work, family and self-enlightenment. The Ella Thousand has plenty other scheduled commitments. If no commitments are made, it focuses on self-improvement with an emphasis on body and mind. With this package, we must let you know that the product is available only nights and weekends. If special circumstances arise, arrangements can be made. But from 9am-8pm, M-F, Ella Thousand will be servicing itself and therefore, unreachable.   Additional commitments with board members (comprised of family & friends. This is a respectable, family-owned business) further decreases the amount of time you’d need to commit. You do not need to put in constant maintenance. There are no daily/weekly fees or check-in requirements. But when you are available for maintenance, we expect you to satisfy the product in full

          Is investment required? Investment is Ella’s way of ascertaining your level of commitment. We don’t ask about commitment at Ella. The conversation is typically filled with loopholes, lies and lust. Instead, whatever you put in is what you get out. If you want the “fully-loaded” package, it’s going to cost you more. Also if you don’t invest enough to maintain, we’ll have to go out in search of additional sponsors. While we would love for you to accept the Partner option and maintain, Ella has to take care of its own best interests. Being a business man yourself, you must understand that money talks. The company is pleased (and surprised) to name Keri’ Hilson’s “No Boys Allowed” album as a major influence in the most recent slew of album drops. In answer to this question, I encourage you to listen to Buyou ft. J. Cole. For your reference and ease, I’ve included J Cole’s verse here:

I see ya, it’s hard not to see ya.
Face like Aaliyah plus a college degree-ah
Climbing up the ladder at that full time job.
Tell me how the hell you end up with a full time slob?
I mean you been a ride a die for him
Paid for the dinner and the movie and the popcorn.
How you figure it’s gon last, he just sit up on his ass?
And play that damn x-box that you cop for him?
Buyou, buyou, how much to try you?
Aint saying you for sale but baby lets be for real.
Buyou, buyou, shit that I can buy you.
These n-ggas all the same, either they Ken or Ryu.
Stringing you along allow me to untie you.
Vitamin D supply you.
Let them little boys walk by you.
They fronting cause they broke
But the numbers don’t lie
If they swear they so fly tell me why they never fly you?

Out-of-Town FAQs

        Do I have to fly you? Yes. In your particular situation, distance would be of a concern as Ella Thousand requires occasional maintenance (see above). On occasion, you might like to have your product come to you. Please keep in mind that this is a product. & A fragile one. You must pay to have your product sent to you. In the appropriate conditions. There is no free shipping unless you’ve already spent a considerable amount on the company. We are open to travel but traveling takes work: especially in moving around schedules. With that said, we’ll need insurance. If Ella does put up for travel, we expect  reimbursement of equal amounts  –monetarily is an option, but not the only one. Reimbursement should occur sooner rather than later. 
     How do I know I’m getting what I signed up for? The product is not perfect. But neither is any of the competition. What I’m offering to you today, is a complete package. Clearly laid out. You will not get any less than agreed to. But if you’re a good customer, and show loyalty we’ll be glad to throw in occasional extras. This product is one that will be beneficial in the future, but accommodating the the now. The only way to truly find out, would be to test the product. We do not provide “free trials”, but you can schedule for a lending opportunity. If you are satisfied with the product in person, we can discuss the possible partnership. If you accept the offer, this will stand as a written contract. Things in writing hold most weight and so Ella has provided you with that benefit. If at any moment, one party feels as though the other isn’t coming through, feel free to refer to this document. 
       Do I have to invest? No. We’re pleased to offer you this option, but your involvent or lack of will have no drastic effect. Ella is already a very lucrative organization, with nothing but potential for growth.   We’re just offering the opportunity for you to be involved in something great. We look forward to hearing back from you on this opportunity and encourage you to consider the options. I am sure you will find that this is an opportunity few would let pass. Similarly, you are a client we’d like to foster a relationship with and we’d be willing to hear your thoughts on the offer. We’d also listen to options you’ve considered, as long as they fall in line with the above. 
Thank you for looking into Ella’s Thoughts. You know how to reach me. 

(Offer expires April 1, 2011.)