Heyyy Ella, 

I am… a bit slutty. But my New Year’s resolution was to cut back. My body count is gross. But then again, my first guy was in 2002… How do I know if I’m a hoe? 


Heyyy Leo, 

      This is the second topic you’ve submitted to me. Trust me, I haven’t forgotten the first… I’ve just got to decide how I feel before I write. I need time to think and make up my mind. Luckily… I’ve thought about this topic all too much.

      Plain and simple: You won’t know. I’m not sure if hoes know they’re hoes. Which… would make us all hoes to some degree?? I mean, seriously speaking, the only people fit to judge another when it comes to sex are virgins or those who waiting till marriage. If you’re having sex before marriage, you’re not the most saintly person either. REAL *clap* TALK *clap* (I know yall seen that Kevin Hart standup).  It’s tough to figure out what a real  hoe is outside of H.A.M’s (Hatin Ass, Muthasss. Yup, I used it). Most labeled hoes are hoes… I mean, you have to have done something to earn the title. Right? Now that I think of it, there are two “hoes” we need to address here: Your Inner Hoe vs Your Outer Hoe. Please bear with me. 
Part 1: Your Outer Hoe. 
      Haters are plentiful these days. “She’s a hoe” is sometimes code for “she gets all the guys I wish I could”. Because, let’s face it, the “new” girl is always a hoe, right? Even friends might go on and be H.A.M if you get more guys than they do. I’m no stranger to this. Sometimes, the people closest to you can be your worst enemy. Sometimes, they assume that every guy you talk about or mention is in your pants. & So what if he is? Jealousy is the strongest weak emotion known to man. So you’ve got to give them less ammo. 
    First thing is first: Stop telling people your business. The only way people can call you a “hoe” is if it runs through the grapevine. In all honesty, if I hear the same story from 2 people or, even worse, from someone close to you, I take it as truth. Even if I shouldn’t. Personally, I don’t like to spread it, but before I  tell your story, I’ll be sure to say “Yo, I heard…” and allow you some reasonable doubt. You know very  well who you should and shouldn’t tell your business to. We all know which of or friends will judge us more heavily than the others. Pick and choose your audience. You might just be making yourself  look like a hoe. Humans (in my opinion) need sexual stimulation. There’s nothing wrong than that. But some need more than others. & If you need a lot… go head and get yours. Just remember you close the bedroom door for a reason; privacy is key. Not everybody needs to know every detail of your sexual escapades. So you might not be a hoe, people just know too much personal shit about you. 
      If your degrees of separation are too low, you might be a hoe.  You’re numbers might be high, but what matters most is what people outside of you can count. (Not saying that numbers don’t count. They do. “Hoe” is short for “whole world”. The closer you are to sleeping with the whole world, the more of a hoe you are. But no one truly knows your numbers except for you. Why put yourself on blast?) So when taking on new… territory, do your research. He shouldn’t know people you’ve slept with. We don’t want to have to cue Ray J’s boys for a “She smashed the homies” chant. That makes you a hoe. When people can point out people you’ve slept with and for it to be true. Particularly if they’re friends. Even more so if they’re related. (Watch out if you date anyone from the islands though because they all be related. ) You’ve got to pick and choose. And wisely. Most people do one-per-crew. Growing up in Rhode Island, I did one-per-city. The older you get, the more people you (and everyone else) know, so you’ve got to branch. Right now, I can’t go any lower than states 😦 You might not be a hoe, but like my boo, Ronald, used to say, “You have hoe-like tendencies” & what are those you might ask? Well if you can finish the following saying, you can figure it out yourself.
 What they don’t know…
Yup. That’s the Hoe Code. & you know it. Typically followed by a “I don’t give a fuck”, when in reality… you give a whole lot more fucks than you should. My opinion on the matter, though, is hoes have to be proven. If they can’t prove it… then WTF are they talking about? Nah mean? Get yours, boo. Most H.A.Ms are at home alone angry. Stifled. Worried somebody’s gonna take their man. They just mad, boo. That’s all.  

Part 2: Your Inner Hoe

    The hoe mentality lacks restraint. Hoes don’t and won’t say no. This is where it gets dangerous and you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Do you sleep with just anyone? Even when you don’t want to? That’s a problem. And below that problem lies a greater problem. Maybe there’s a lack of self confidence. Maybe there’s the feeling that the only thing you have to offer is your body. Or, perhaps, fear that you’ll lose that person if you don’t give it up.  Earlier in life this may be due to a chase of popularity.  To prove that someone likes you. That  someone  thinks your pretty. That you’re wanted.  It may be because you weren’t wanted in places where it truly made a difference: in the home, for example. Perhaps lack of family. Lack of support. Lack of love. This lack of inhibition can ruin you. The sooner you can work against that, the sooner you can transition into “housewife”. (They say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, but “They” say a lot of things.) You just gotta stop fuckin around. Literally. & realize that you are more than your body. When you reach that point… it’ll all change. Trust me. 

     I mean…. If you’re not a hoe, then you’re not. You can only be what you say you are… But you’ve got to prove that as well. This is tougher though, because you’ve got to prove it to yourself. In those times where no one but you knows  a decision is being made. When a man you think is attractive wants to sleep with you, do you automatically give it up? Is sex always initiated on your part? When’s the last time you were taken on a date? Did you fuck him afterwards? Do you have sex in return for things/favors/gifts? (Cuz you should really just keep it moving.) Do you travel for sex? Do you change your plans for sex. Could you do without sex? 
    The Key Trait: Hoes needs sex. The same way crackheads need crack and alcoholics need alcohol. Do you need it? Because yes. it feels good, but you won’t die without it. Promise. I’m living proof lol.   BUUUTT… since I know you personally, if they ever play that “she’s a hooooeeeee!!!!” joint when we’re out, I’m pointin at you, boo. & you better not get nervous.  LOL. Still, I know you aint no hoe. You jus like sex a whole lot. I’ll admit, I think sex is a fascinating act, in moderation. More so, it’s a talent. A skill. You know you’re slipping when you start chasing and end up with nothing be subpar sex. It’s like when people do dirty drugs just cuz their chasing a high. They’ll do anything for that feeling. I’m for either great sex or no sex. It’s a tough discipline to master, but once you get here, you wont regret it. You can trust me on that too 😉 
    So you gotta control your outer hoe by keeping your inner hoe in check. Of course, men are never hoes, let’s face it. & Gay men are only hoes to an extent because they can’t get pregnant so they have less to worry about [slash] they are more tempted/better equipped to hoe around with less repercussions. (That’s my opinion, of course). Still, lots of this can apply to you all as well, I’d assume. But, for the third time, GET YOURS, Boo. 
Careful though. You may walk a thin line. 

In sum,  I leave you with a little Salt-N-Peppa wisdom a la “None of Your Business,”
If I wanna take a guy,
home with me tonight,

If she wanna be a freak thang, 
sellin on the weekends

Now you, 
shouldn’t even get into
who I’m givin skins to

 So don’t try to change my mind
I’ll tell you one more time: