I said yes to your momma and yes to you dating me. Yes we can be together but you gotta wait for me. The first time I say no, it’s like I never said yes.
Beyonce – “Yes”
Not all men are looking for just sex. But some definitely are. Here’s the thing: Men lie about not looking for sex the same way women lie about not looking for money. Think about it. They give the same line: “I mean if he’s/she’s gonna give it to me, I’m not gonna turn it down.”
This is a warning to the young women out there. If you think that all he wants from you is sex, you’re right. If you ever have that feeling, it’s true. If a man, at any point, gets upset when you say no, that should be your key identifier. If there is ever a “What are you gonna do for me?” then he doesn’t care about you.
I’m no Nun. I’m no Saint. I’m only saying this because I’ve made the mistake in the past. Here’s why. There’s something about a young girl’s mind that can’t separate love from body and it makes us easy targets. We’re predictable. Men know exactly what we want. They’ve seen the same sappy romance movies we’ve seen. They know the lines. Don’t be stupid. Don’t be me. Rather…. don’t be the me I used to be. The girl who was too afraid to say no because sometimes it felt like your body was all you had and if you could do things better than the girl who came before or maybe even the girl who would come after then you’ve really left your mark but the only thing you’ve left is your self respect. It’s all empty. You gain nothing while he simply gains a story to tell. Now he can point at you and say exactly what it was he did to you. Even if it was consensual, equal in the moment.. have you ever sat and listened to men speak on their “encounters”? The danger of a boastful man is second only to the vengeance of an angry man. And very swiftly, the word wifey turns to “hoe”.
I’m speaking on this now because… I lived it. There’s a particular guy I speak to on occasion who loves to… try to… sweet talk. He never really does a good job. The conversation typically veers off into what he thinks he can do. I can’t lie, I was involved with him in the past… and it was one of the biggest disappointments I’ve come across. Not particularly due to skill… but for other reasons [read I Don’t Sex.] and so, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we’d fostered. I still hung out with him. While we were out, I asked him to bring me by a friend’s house. He asked for a kiss. I turned my head. He got upset. In the end, I said forget it. That he could just bring me home. And he did. I knew there was something off because he could have swung by. He knew exactly where I had asked to go. But I’m not selling ass for a ride.
“We”re broken up,” he messaged me later. “I know,” I responded. We haven’t spoken since.
I’ve made mistakes in the past. I’ve been involved in situations that I wish I had handled differently. But, had I not made the mistakes I made, I’d have no ground on which to stand when I tell you that every single time you drop your panties, your value drops with them.
You don’t have to do it. & I know the feeling. We get scared. We’re afraid of upsetting this guy we think is so… hot. When in reality he isn’t worth a damned thing. We want to impress him. We want to please him. To show him the things we could do and distract him from the rest of the tail out there because we’ve all heard the saying before “If you won’t do it, someone else will.” So… Let someone else do it. What do you need to sleep with him if someone else will do it? He can go to her for ass and to you for conversation. I mean… right? I know that doesn’t fly… and sometimes a man also just wants to know if we have the ability to please him –it matters to him too –But please believe hunny, even if you don’t do it, you still know how 😉 Trust me. & If he wants to stick around… maybe, just maybe, he’ll be in for a treat.
I wish that I had had the strength to say no when it mattered most. I have a lot of respect for the virgins out there. Not sure how you did it. How you fought off the pressure that made most of us crack. I know that when I did it, I simply wanted to know. I wanted to know what it was like. What the big deal was. I wanted to know what my friends were feeling that was such a big deal. And I regret that…. wait… I don’t really. I didn’t love the guy, but he loved me. And I don’t regret any of our moments together… and he was a superb choice to be my first… but my reasoning is what disappoints me.
They say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. But a hoe gotta burn out at some point, I think. Just stop. I say this like it’s smoking cigarettes, but I mean… I just hope y’all see the damage your doing to yourselves. The persona’s you put forth. People can see when the respect is draining out of you. If you know a hoe… help her out before its too late lol. I know that sounds like a joke, but forreal y’all…. When a girl is letting herself go like that… there are other issues that need to be addressed. First and foremost, we need to address why she cares for herself so little. Hoes need love, too lol.
But back to the matter at hand. Sometimes, I think we women just want attention. It’s ok. I understand. I’ma woman, too. Sometimes we’ll fall back on old flames just to feel like someone out there wants us. And when you’re wanted sexually, it’s possible for that to be the moment you feel the most beautiful. So when the opportunity arises to feel beautiful arises, you weigh your options. You consider. This weekend, I considered…. and I just wasn’t getting enough out the deal. I couldn’t do it. And this would have been a “pass” since I’ve been involved with this guy in the past… meaning, it would add to my numbers — Ladies know what I mean — so it kind of wouldn’t count. It’s not like being with a whole new guy. Or someone I just met. It could have been comfortable. It would have been private. It would have been as secret as had been in the past. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t…. feeling it. There was nothing there… and I’m just not that desperate.
I’m also not that dumb. I know that he threw out words like “beautiful” and “you’re special” because those words are supposed to loosen belts and unzip zippers.
“You always want something in return,” I said.
“Me? You’re the one who wants $600 shoes!” He yelled back.
“It’s not like you got them…” I responded, confused.
I mean… if he’s gonna try to get some ass out of me, I’m gonna try to get some shoes outta him. It’s what we have in common. So… that just reminded me of Beyonce’s “Yes”. I’ve never kicked a guy out… but this song is exactly how I would do it 🙂
You said I move too slow.
I showed you to the door.
You said you’d call me later.
I said don’t call no more.
It is cool if you can’t wait for me.
I’m glad you let me know.
Cuz you showed me your true face, Baby,
The first time I said, “No.”
Thank you. I needed to know.