And there’s much bigger issues in the world, I know. But I first had to take care of the world I know.
-Jay-Z, “Kingdom Come

I am so upset.


     I finished listening to the album, and I’m finished with Diddy. I just tried to read Carl’s blog, a review of Last Train to Paris, but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy his positive take. I’m going to be honest. I liked the album. Didn’t love because there was simply nothing spectacular about it, but Carl said it himself, “This is play this in your house when you’re home by yourself and want to zone… this is put this on your ipod for you commute to and from work… this is earphones on blast as you walk around the city music.” This is exactly how I listened to the album. I went for my first run in Central Park on Saturday and listened to the album. It was perfect in rhythm and vibe for a workout/run. 

       Still, there were a couple of things that took away from its quality. First and foremost, because I steal music, I don’t really know the name of the group. I don’t know if it’s “Dirty Money” or “Diddy’s Dirty Money” as my mp3’s read. I tried not to pay attention to that though and just listen along. I found myself hoping, waiting, wishing and yearning for those girls to sing. And I don’t even know their names!!! I wanted them to come out blowing. To prove that they can actually sing and that they are holding their own. Nope. You can hear Diddy loud & clear throughout the album. And if he’s not the star in the song, the feature is. 

       Now was this a Dirty Money album or is Dirty Money as a whole just a back-up group? 12 of the 16 songs have features. Really only 3 are legit Dirty Money since song #1 is the intro. I will say this, Diddy is a pairing genius. The thing with him is that he has a good ear. For example, none other than Rick Ross could have been on “Angels“. (PS, since Mr. “B.I.G” Wallace is listed as a feature on that track as well, I hope his family is getting some of that $$. #JustSayin. ) Likewise, “Ass of the Floor” is the essence of a Swizz Beatz production. Similarly, Chris Breezy (#yum) was perfect for “Yesterday” but did he have to be on “I Know” too? I mean, the songs are good, but it’s just that this album doesn’t feel like it belongs to Dirty Money. I still don’t really know what Dirty Money is. Are they just a group who puts on a lot of cash to get top-ranked features? The song that Rick Ross is on feels like its Ross’s song. The Chris Brown songs feel like Chris’s song. It feels like Diddy took all their features and combined them onto one album. 

       Back to the girls: I wanted to know them. As a female… Wait. As a BLACK female, with all of Didd’y promoting about putting on these beautiful Dark-Skinned women, talking on Hot 97 about how he wanted to make a statement by it,  I wanted to feel some sort of connection to them. I got nothing. I listened to the album twice through and the only lyric I can remember is “Let your tounge off in this p*ssy” in Your Love. That’s all I got from them. So…. when I finally get a verse, this is the shit they’re saying?  I just looked at the Wiki page for this album and feel so sorry for these girls. So (because I truly didn’t know), the chicks names are Dawn Richards and Kaleena Vick. If this page is correct, Kaleena and Dawn are listed as writers on “Yeah Yeah You Would” while Diddy gets writers’ credits for 6 of the tracks. Can I get a “Wow”? Now, I know they agreed to it, so that’s their problem. & They making their little change but… isn’t it supposed to be a group?

      Then I went to YouTube. The night before, as I watched the news, I heard snippets of what had happened at the party: Every woman’s worst nightmare. Some chick’s hair caught on fire. I LOL’d but missed the actual story coverage. After my run, my homie, D[to the]O, showed me The Video. In my head, I had imagined the party to be super chic. Classy….Nope. From what I saw of that clip, it was just a watered-down version of Tip-Drill. Same ass girl in the same ass tub. From that clip, there was nothing but women in bikinis around. I’m sorry but it I were a female part of a group, that’s not exactly the album release party I’d have in mind. Why would I want to walk around with all these bitches wearing nothing? Nothing against the girls themselves, they were probably paid a decent amount to degrade themselves & if I had lack of drive and a body like theirs, I would probably do the same. But this is what Dirty Money is? In “Coming Home,” Diddy admits he has growing left to do but with the images I saw on that video, I’m not sure he’s committed to it. I feel like on a track like that, Diddy was just trying to say what he felt needed to be said. Granted, the world’s perception might bother him but…. Diddy doesn’t give a fuck. We all know this. 

        As a woman, I simply can’t support him. I don’t believe he shows women the respect he should. He’s too old for that nonsense. Especially to film and broadcast it. And if there are no women offended and disgusted by what was going on at that party, I’m hurt to say it’s a sad day for, not just Black women, but all women…. although mostly Black women. Maybe it’s that ‘m getting older. Maybe I’m more sensitive to it now. I’m just disappointed that this “view” of Hip-Hop has resurfaced. There was a time where bitches in bikinis wasn’t the focus of videos anymore, but I guess niggas will be niggas. 

      I don’t really know where to go from here. I’m hurt, disappointed, saddened and angry by everything Diddy stands for. I didn’t say much about the BIG movie (which I thought was extremely bias and a poor representation of the females in Christopher’s life), I can’t keep giving Diddy respect. He sells because he has an ear and he has the money to pay big features. I mean, the man practically invented the “remix”. But I think he’s confused about himself. I think he needs to decide which persona he’d like to take ownership of. Are you the asshole boss? The funny guy? The family man? Or the pimp? I’m not sure. I don’t find Sean Combs a trustworthy character or a reliable narrator. I take everything he “raps” with a grain of salt.  I’m disappointed. And really, I can’t rock to a man who has no respect. Not simply off the fact that these girls are around, but he talks like he’s respectful. On his interview with Hot 97, he put on this all-knowing, contentious front… later that night, he filled a room with barely clothed women –placing them throughout the room like purchased ornaments –which they literally were. 

All in all, glad I listened. Glad-er I didn’t purchase. 

Mr. Combs, you are a Dog. I don’t say that to “hate” but simply to let you know something you should know. Something you need to work on. I wish you growth. & I hope to God that your daughters, D’Lila, Jessie and Chance, don’t end up those girls in mens’ bathtubs doing god knows what when the camera stops filming –if it stop filming.