I see you dressed up in white. Face covered in veil. Do I hear wedding bells? My dog throwing rice? And it’s the day that your father give you away to a real man. I gently put the ring on your hand. Do we vow to stay faithful? Do more than try to. Now look me in the eye and say, “I do.”
– Nas, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G”
People in our society have lost all decency. Really, I think this is a product of our country. We were founded on the principals of rebellion. Of treating tradition and rules with total disregard. We are a country infested with pornography the enslavement of bodies for personal gain. Our history is filthy with total disregard for the being and a blatant distaste for anything pure and decent.
I love the internet because you get to see what kind of people are really out there. & Like someone’s FB status said this morning: There is a village somewhere being deprived of its idiot. As I browsed Necole Bitchie’s site, trying to figure out if I like Amber Rose with that wig in Fabolous’s “You Be Killin ‘Em” video, I saw a link to another post: “One Man’s Negative Perceptions of Marraige“. Necole links to a guys video where he goes on to bash the entire institution of marriage. To be honest, he has the same argument most people have: Marriage is all about money. It’s too business. From the looks of the beat up leather couch he’s sitting on, combined with the white T-Shirt that is probably a major staple in his wardrobe, I can’t help but to wonder… does he really think that marriage is a watse of money, or is it that he doesn’t have the money to waste? There’s all this talk about pre-nup, but… if you have nothing, there’s nothing for a woman to take. If you have no money, you have nothing to worry about. And a woman doesn’t have to take your money. If you can find a woman who is making her own, you have nothing to worry about. Thing is, men like women who are making less than them because they like to feel like the man. That’s who you end up with a chick who’s doing nothing for herself. But please believe, I will pay for my half of the wedding costs.
Marriage is expensive. But so are other things in life. Why get a BMW 5 series if you can get a Ford Focus that runs just fine? Why live in a one family home if you fit in a two bedroom apartment? All I’m saying is that we put out money for anything we consider valuable. Anything that will increase our prestige in society and this is the main reason women love marriage and men don’t like it. Our values on the dating market change. When a woman gets married, her value goes up. She has been chosen. Someone has thought her worthy enough, and good enough, to make her his wife. Marriage proves to us that we are good women. That we are deserving. Whether this is true or not is besides the point because the feeling and the sentiment are real no matter how much we try to disagree and fight it off. On the other hand, a man’s value goes down. When he puts on that ring, he’s (half-way) out of the game. He can cheat if he wants, but this just makes him a dog and any good woman wouldn’t accept him. A man knows that. His days as a bachelor are over. I know that when I browse through guys’ Facebook pictures and see them with pictures of “Wifey”, they automatically lose points with me. & Men don’t want to lose points in the dating game. They know that any woman who accepts a married man into her bed already, inevitably has low moral standards. So… I understand why this guys doesn’t like marriage, not only will it leave him broker that he already is, but deprive him of the cut he thinks he can get.
He goes on to say that marraige doesn’t change anything. That people who are going to cheat are going to cheat. People who are going to leave will leave. Yes, sir. You are correct. Which is why you shouldn’t get married before you’re ready. Marriage shouldn’t be a method of changing people. It should be a celebration. If you’re religious, this is a union before God in which you and the love of your life stand before Him and promise eternity. It is more than a promise to just each other. It is a promise to the world. And the world is whatever you two have. If you’re not religious, it’s still a celebration of love. A day for the both of you. So what if the girl wants to pretend to be Cinderella for a day? If you love her, its shouldn’t bother you too much to stand there and receive your queen. That is what the man gets. That’s the idea being being given away at the alter. She becomes yours. And granted people don’t like the sense of ownership, but that’s where we’ve…. for lack of a better phrase… fucked up.
On your wedding day, you become one. You are one in the same. Every thought you have includes the other person. Instead of thinking about it in terms of you “belonging” to the other person, perhaps we can view it in terms of having gained something. A partner. A companion. A person who was willing to stand side-by-side with you and swear to everyone who could hear along with everyone who could not that never again will you have to fight a battle by yourself. Never will you walk by yourself again.
“We already had sex,” he exclaims at one point of the video… Perhaps this is where the demoralization of personal relationships began. There was a time when virginity was sacred and a woman deflowered before her time was doomed to live alone for the rest of her life. She’d be shunned by all. Today though, woman spread their legs and let men ride through like the local car wash. You let them slip in, & they slip out brand new. I’m not saying that we should all go back to being prudes… and it’s too late for most of us. I understand that having sex doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, but perhaps our limits are screwed up. No, the sex doesn’t change after you get married, but should it? Personally, I think it should always be interesting. But maybe you don’t need to go all hot & heavy when you first meet someone.. I mean… that never really ends up well does it? Well… in my experience it hasn’t. Maybe most of the tricks should be saved for later on in the relationship. Keep ’em guessin.
I think that, all at the same time, people take marriage too seriously… and not seriously enough. Marriage is a serious affair. Yes, taxes are involved. Money is involved, when you become one things like this are affected. It’s not marriage, per say, it’s capitalism, really. It’s just the way taxes work. And no one says you have to have an extravagant wedding. If you are truly that humble (I said “humble”, not “cheap” you can easily have a private ceremony and small dinner. I mean, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker did that.. & they got money man. It depends on the kind of person you marry. I know that I need to marry a man who likes dressing up and fancy things like I do so that we can both enjoy the day. If I don’t find that man, I guess I’m not getting married. I mean, we don’t see eye-to-eye…. isn’t that enough to push pause? Well, it should be. And really, its just one day. Its a big as birthday party. If marriage isn’t going to change anything… why are you so afraid of it? I mean, it doesn’t change anything, right?
As for the men who “don’t believe in” marriage, you should look for a woman who shares your sentiments. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to believe in what you believe in. You should marry someone who shares your beliefs. Same goes for women. The guy who posted that video got a reply in this girl’s response, and (I wasn’t sure it was possible but) she sounds even dumber than he does. This is the type of woman you might end up with. She’s an absolute idiot. She can barely form a sentence in her broken English. I also doubt that if this girl were presented with a ring should would turn it down. She’d slip it right on that finger. And if she never gets married, sure… she’ll be at the reception of someone else’s wedding, sad as hell that no one is willing to make that commitment to her. Marriage isn’t necessary. And sometimes better not having to go through with it. Oprah told Barbara Walters that she and Stedman won’t get marrried. That if they were married, they’d probably be divorced by now. But you must take into account their lifestyle. The pressure. The media. Marriage wasn’t right for her. I mean, if I were Oprah, I wouldn’t have married Stedman either. Then again, Oprah and Stedman have no children. And probably won’t ever. & She has fulfilled herself in ways many of us regular women can’t afford to. Oprah is loved by the world. All I’m asking is to be loved by one man.
You know what? They’re wrong. Society isn’t telling us that marriage is right. In fact, I think it’s the complete opposite. There are many more people know who feel that marrigae is pointless. This then leaves the rest of us who still believe in it’s purpose and its beauty to be the ones “asking for too much” and “wanting everything”. When all we’re asking for is commitment. Love. Man y people like to pose the question, “If we’re already in love, why get married?”In response, all I can say is, “If you’re in love…Why not?”
I’m not saying that marriage should be a required step in a relationship, but if it is for you –if it is something that you want — then it should be required (or avoided) by you. For your reasons. And your partner should agree with you on all levels. Me? I’m pro-marriage. If we not getting married, I don’t need you living up in my house, laying up in my bed with me either. Sorry, but I am not the type to give myself to a man night after night for the rest f my life while he’s too afraid (or, worse, cheap) to allow me one day of recognition. I need a man with true, pure intentions (and who isn’t so worried about money).