You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first. She will if she can find a man who knows her worth. Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her. – Alicia Keys, “A Woman’s Worth”
A reader passed along the link to an article, Real Talk: 9 Things You Should Know About Men and Marriage. I didn’t know how to respond to the article. More so, I didn’t know who to respond to, so I decided to take a 2-sided approach. This is the version for the Fellas. In bold are the statements from his article. Below them, you can read my response to his statements, from a female’s point of view. In RED, are my final, summarized opinions.
For my Woman to woman version, read, “9 Responses to a Man’s BS. (For the Ladies)”
1) WE CAN CHEAT ON YOU, EVEN IF WE LOVE YOU
The sentiment stands: You shouldn’t cheat. You know, we can cheat, too. And we do cheat. But the difference is, if we want to, it’s easier for us to just say no to sex. The reason you cheat sn’t because it’s engraved in your system, its because you’re not man enough to turn pussy down. You’re afraid of what you’ll look like if you turn it down. Maybe they’ll call you gay. Maybe they’ll hound you and ask you “what are you scared of pussy?” A real man who is comfortable and confident in his relationship can say no to pussy. Or at least admit that the reason you cheat is because you’re always looking for something new. Stop acting like you can’t fight it. Like there is absolutely no way for you to keep your thing in your pants.
And the argument that that is who “God made [you] to be” is complete bullshit. I don’t know what God you’re referring to, but if its the white-haired, blue-eyed guy (who was actually dark-skin with coarse hair), you should take another look at the book he expects you to follow:
Hebrews 13:4 – Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
Matthew 5:27-30. -“You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye – even if it is your good eye – causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand – even if it is your stronger hand – causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
I just wanted to make sure we’re referring to the same book.
There are men out there who understand fidelity and are willing to sacrifice their egos. Man up.
2) OUR FEELINGS CAN BE HURT JUST AS EASILY AS YOURS
But your feelings don’t get hurt as often as ours. When we decide to fall in love, we fall in love hard, too. Even if we allow it to happen easier. We’re still in love. And we get our hearts broken and then broken and then broken and then broken. So don’t think you’re the only one going through things. Be grateful that we’re kinder, more forgiving “creatures” than you are and don’t take out all of our emotions on the next guy. You guys are more likely to hold us accountable for what the last girl did than we are to hold things against you.
Granted we sit around and talk about it, but wouldn’t that mean that we take it more seriously, since it’s all we’re looking for? And don’t say that you don’t want love, too. We all want love. & we all get our hearts broken. Not just you.
I admit, I’ve said and done some hurtful (smack-worthy) shit in my day. But it’s because of all the times I’ve been played for a fool before and how likley it is for a man to hurt me. So we try to hurt you. To show you know that you can hurt. And sometimes simply because we need know that you can hurt. Sometimes, you guys show so little emotion and make it seem that you’ll just up and leave so we need to know that we can hurt you. That what we’re doing actually matters to you. That you give a fuck.
Pain happens. No one hurts more than another. Men are more afraid of being hurt… Admit that. Man up.
3) MOST MEN LIKE PORNOS, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT
Most women are afraid of pornos. The reason we don’t like them isn’t because they’re gross, rather because they shed light on the competition out there. Do we look like the girls in the pornos? Maybe you’re more attracted to them. Maybe she does… everything… better than we can do it. You might like how she does certain things and we’re unsure if our sex is porn-worthy. One of my girlfriends was once upset at her boyfriend for watching porno and said “if he needs to look at that, he can look at me.” This is how most women feel. We feel like.. are we not doing our job? Are we not enough? I, personally, think that you should share your porn collection with your girl. Show us what you’re into. What’s you favorite. Maybe we’ll learn something. My ex had me watch Superhead vs. Mr. Marcus and I am eternally grateful. So was he.
Men just want porno-like sex. Admit it. Man up.
4) MEN ARE NOT WIRED FOR MARRIAGE
Well we are. Get with it. Even the girls who say they don’t want to be married want to be married. The girls who say it’s not a big deal feel that way because they’re not sure if it’ll ever happen. She wants you to think she’s also “not wired for marriage”. She is. We all are. We all dream of being loved by one man. To be chosen. This is because men are taught to take advantage of all the pretty women in the world, while we’re taught to find out prince-charming. Even if a girl is actually not wired for marriage, she’s expected to be. If we don’t require a serious relationship, you treat us like side hoes. If we went around testing the waters, seeing what was out there, we’d have NO chance at marriage. You guys don’t want the girl that’s not wired for marriage. When you decide you love a woman, I hope she’s not wired for marriage. So you can see how that feels to be told that you’ll never be committed to. If you love a woman enough, you’ll choose her. That’s the way things go. Man up and accept the responsibility. The only difference now is having a ring. Or do you not love her enough?
& Men might not be “wired” for marriage but they do it anyway. Obviously they are capable of it. Man up.
5) THE FINANCIAL PRESSURES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOUGH AND SCARY FOR US
Be a man. Get a job. Suck it up.
I’m disgusted at the new-age man and how okay it is for him to be financially unstable. Men are supposed to put food on the table. Not saying that a woman can’t do it. If a man has no drive to provide for his family, he shouldn’t have one. Enough said. Somehow, it’s still okay for a man to expect women to cook and clean and take care of the kids, but we can’t ask you to just go the hell to work and come back with a check? PLEASE? If you can’t afford the kids, strap up. You’re so afraid of paying bills, but going up in girls with nothing on doesn’t scare you? & if you can’t afford to be a gentlemen and treat a woman like she should be treated, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. You just need to be grown enough to accept and admit it.
There are men out there working hard to provide for their families without complaining about it. Man up.
6) WOMEN PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON MEN TO BE CHASTE
And you expect women to be the Virgin Mary. We can’t have slept with too many men, and sometimes not too little either. You except for us to have been waiting on you our entire lives. Yes, you should be chaste –When you are in a committed relationship. Let’s get this straight: Gay people are not the reason behind HIV & other STDs. Nor are Black people. MEN are the reason behind transmission of disease. Because you think it’s okay to be unfaithful. Meanwhile, we have to be with just you. How many women have caught something because her man was out there running the streets? And it just so happened that some of those brothers were undercover & wore no covers because they weren’t worried about getting another man pregnant. Regardless of who the man chooses to sleep with, a dog is a dog. Cheating is cheating. And most STDs have no cure. If you’re not going to attempt to be chaste for us, then at least do it for your own health. And it’s not really chaste, it’s called committed. Faithful. Respectful to the person you are with. The thing is, many of you lie and say your faithful when you’re actually not. You say that you can be chaste. That you can be faithful and trusted. Why don’t you just not lie in the first place? Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. We can’t expect you to be something if you told us from the start you couldn’t live up to that.
There are men out there who love their women and have dedicated themselves. Man up.
7) OUR GREATEST FEAR IS TO FEEL TRAPPED IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP
Our greatest fear is to be committed to and in love with a man who’s going to leave us for a pretty, younger girl because things aren’t perfect. We all have fears, don’t we?
It’s not easy for us either. You think we want a bad relationship? We don’t. We are just less willing to give up than you are. Women are more likely to fight to stay with a man than a man is to fight and stay with a woman. Sorry for trying to salvage what we had.
There are men out there who put their all into a relationship and will do all they can to make it work. Man up.
8) MEN NEVER STOP BEING ATTRACTED TO YOUNGER WOMEN
Because you’re nasty. Wait until some grown man goes after your daughter. Because women like older men. My older brother didn’t like that my boyfriend was 5 years older than me. Meanwhile, he was 8 years older than his girlfriend. So go ahead. Chase that young tail.
FYI: Women never stopped being attracted to money. & it becomes more and more attractive as you start getting fat, losing muscles and balding. & guess who tends to have more money? Older men. So that little girl you’re chasing will eventually leave you. She only liked you because you were more established than the men her age (trust me). So as you start getting older, she’ll start being attracted to men her own age, and leave you for someone more attractive. How you like that old man?
There are men out there who are respectable and can put that lust aside and not act on it. Man up.
9) WE’RE NOT AS ATTACHED TO THE KIDS AS YOU ARE
The author of that article conveniently forgot to mention that little happening called “Child birth” in his reasoning. I mean. NBD. No big deal, right?
You also didn’t break your insides open to have the child now did you? Of course you’re not as attached. Every time there was a check up, a woman is examined in order to reach the child. Even if a man is at every single check-up, He’s not being checked up. Women are literally attached to the child. Have you heard of an umbilical cord? When we have a child, it’s more of a desicion than it is for a man. Having a child, for a woman, not only impacts your pockets, but your social life, your physical, your mental. During those nine months, we can’t smoke, drink, run, jump, skip. We can’t do a damned thing. We can’t eat certain things, go certain places, sleep in certain positions. During those nine months, nothing changes for you except, now you’re a little worried. But you can forget about the baby on the way. We can’t escape it. WE are pregnant and have to carry it around with us 24/7 approx. 270 days out of that year.
Congratulations, Daddy. You have it easy. Like we didn’t already know.
There are men out there who love their children more than life itself. Man up.
All in all, my opinion on this post to me said, “All men are broke dogs and you shouldn’t except us to be any different”. How is that okay? We are supposed to be okay with you cheating and afraid of a relationship’s financial burdens? Honey you gotta pick one. You can’t be a broke scumbag. You just want the easy hand in all of this. We cant expect you to be faithful, pay the bills or be attached to the kids? WTF? I hope there are better men than this author out there.
There are men who tell me not to categorize all men and I hope they’re as upset at this article as I am.
There are real men out there. The rest of you should stop making excuses and Man up.