Bitches give up the ass. Sistas give up the ass. Sistas do it slow. Bitches do it fast. Jay-Z – Bitches & Sisters
He doesn’t want to hold me back, he says. I should live my life. & since I’m moving to a new place, there’s no doubt I’ll meet more people. I’ll want to go out with friends.
I don’t have friends.
You’ll meet someone else.
But I met you.
You know… there ain’t many guys like me.
You saying you’re what I need?
I mean, yea… If not now.. then eventually.
There’s a difference between a man who likes you and a man who wants you. This fool thought he was gamin’ me. I’m not gonna lie though. I like the way he talks. But what he hasn’t quite grasped yet is that the ball is in my court. In all honesty, the ball is always in a woman’s possession. You have to play the game as you would any other. Planned out, careful and with technique. He’s in for it.
Ladies. Take notes. I’ll give you a second to get your pencils out.
The most important technique is Pacing
. Pace the relationship. There was an exchange I wrote about in my last post, “Sex Craved Nice Guy,”
where this guy told me he only spoils ‘girlfriends’. In turn, I told him that I only sleep with my ‘boyfriends’. He kept making dirty jokes and telling me what he could do… and then I asked, “Do you think you’re getting this?” He responded by saying, “Nah, I know you ain’t doing nothing for another 6-7months.” Nice. I’m officially on ‘Good Girl’ pacing. He thinks he has to prove to me that he deserves it (which he does) when in reality… I’m not saving it for marriage. I’m saving it for carriage. I’m tryina see how far he will go. How much he will spend. But.. you already know, most guys say “Zip-Zero” and try to be stingy with dinero. But… if you work it right… he might light your wrist. Don’t stop at this. He might wife you and buy you nice whips. All this just to find out if you ride nice…. So take it slow. This way you earn his respect by making him earn whatever it is he gets.
Manage your time with holidays as milestones. I don’t really like…. like like this guy… but he likes me. & I have nothing better to do. On top of that, it’s almost Christmas. I only see him once a week. I count there are about 8 weeks till Christmas. Which means, I should see him at most 8 times. Then there can be one week when “I really can’t make it” and he won’t want to act all needy, so I’m down to 7 times. I just have to force myself to bear for 7 weeks. If this seven weeks goes easily… I might be able to bear for another 7 weeks (Valentine’s day) and maybe even another (My Birthday)!
Technique #2: Fake left; go right.
Give them a taste, but not too much. I want him to spend, so I spend a little. I paid for our coffee at Starbucks… he’s paying for everything else. He offered to pay for my Chloe
perfume (and everyday, I regret saying no) but since then I’ve been window shopping at the stores we usually pass by. Because when I meet him on Friday, I’ll say “OMG, I so want these!!” and they’ll probably be cheaper than the perfume was so he should be willing to cough it up. (I’ll let y’all know how that goes!) Needless to say, the next time he offers to swipe his card –the one in his wallet he pointed to and said “this one is just for you,” –he will
be signing the receipt. If you want a man to spend on you, let him know that you spend money on yourself. There’s nothing worse to a man than a woman who wants to live off of him. The term “golddigger” to men is like “boogie-monster” to 3 year olds. And so, let him know that you don’t need
him… but if he wants you.. he needs
to spend some change.
For a man to wait on pleasure has to feel like he’s only one step away from hittin’ it. For example, the other night, after a nice dinner, he took me to a part of Jersey City where you can see the New York skyline across the water/river/whatever…. it was gorgeous. I had had a Patron margarita and a glass of Riesling and was super relaxed.. but not drunk — a Lady never gets drunk at dinner, but does take advantage of not having to drive. I guess, he felt that I was a little… done-zo as I started asking him questions about the last time he had a girl spend the night. Now I’m going to be honest with you all, I don’t know if I wanted to go home with him. In reality… I just wanted to be held. When you leave a relationship… the hardest part to adjust to is sleeping by yourself. I would have used him for the body heat. But I’m adult enough to keep my clothes on (the first night I spend with a guy, I tend to keep ALL my clothes on.. like… my street clothes. lol) He said it wasn’t a good idea (I applauded him for being a gentlemen) so I pushed the idea even more. I pushed because I knew he already said no. And if he changed his mind to ‘yes’ I would have changed my mind to ‘no’.
Yes, I was playing games but… I had carefully laid it all out. We were in Jersey. It would have taken him 45 minute to get to his house, and he would have had to drop me off the next day. Not even I wouldn’t have wanted to drop me off the next day. If I did spend the night, I would have woken up at 6:30am and took my ass to the subway before he woke up. I love to leave before a man wakes up. It makes him feel used 🙂 & they don’t get to see you as the Morning mess you are. I knew there was a slim chance of me spending the night with him… but since I asked, he feels like there is at least a slim chance. He thinks the ball is in his court. I won’t be asking to stay the night again. He’ll feel like it was a missed opportunity that he’ll continuously try harder to get to again.
This is the way things go: I try to get him to spend money on me, he tries to get me to sleep with him. We’re both working towards something. Call me what you want… but I don’t need sexual pleasure the way he does. My love for shoes is much stronger than my love for penetration. Shoes make me feel better for longer anyways.
My advice? Don’t give it up so easily. If this guy really is as great as he professes, I’ll find out after the 6-7 month trial… or longer. You should never feel forced to sleep with man because he has imposed a time-frame. My body is not for sale. It has no price. But if you’re going to put a price tag on it, it won’t be a clearance sticker. Have more respect for yourself. I don’t know about you, ladies. But Ella’s “yea” cost more than an order of Applebee’s wings and potato skins. I’m just sayin. If/When he does me wrong, at least he can’t say he had that part of me…. but I can at least get some shoes out of him 🙂
My time of “self-imposed celibacy” as Elizabeth Gilbert calls hers in Eat, Pray, Love has to do with more than just men.
Sometimes, we give our bodies up so easily and quickly, we lose focus of ourselves and our worth. I’m not just playing this one guy. It has nothing to do with him…. because I’m not sleeping with anyone
. So if I’m even going to consider making that move with him… or if he’d like to take on this challenge… he has to put up some serious change on the table. I’m only playing with high-rollers. Chump change won’t cut it anymore. Because all men are the same. If I’m going to be controlled, lied to and cheated on… at least let me get something out the deal. If you’ve never been with a broke man… try it out and see how fed up you’ll be. Then you’ll understand where my head is at. I’ve followed my heart way too many times.
Now, it’s time for me and my wardrobe to upgrade.