I will admit that some men have put their best foot forward and I’ve recognized this. Still, every man seems to think he’s one of a kind. No guy says that he is like every other guy –this is what makes you like every other guy. You’re all incapable of admitting that you’re all just alike. But my point is, if you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t have a reason to worry. I can admit the nice things that were done for me… but when the good runs out, alls that’s left is a worthless man and a regret for time lost on a pointless pursuit.
“Don’t put this in your blog.” How many times have I heard that now? I’ve lost count of the men afraid to speak to me, fearing their truths will be revealed in my all too honest script. I’m here to say don’t worry your little heads off… but don’t do anything dumb either. Ella will put a man on blast if she has to. Everyone is afraid of what I might say here. I feel it when they say nothing and I hear it when the say otherwise. Men who were involved with me wonder when their names will come up. Men who wish they could be involved pretend they don’t want to be. [Either that or they think every post is about them.] You know whose fear is greater? Mine.
Privacy is still key for me, even if blogging seems hypocritical. Do you really think I talk about everything I experience? I’d be a fool to. That isn’t to say that I don’t wish I could. I wish I didn’t know anyone who reads my blog and that they didn’t know me. But… that’s not the case. I’m respectful to those I mention (unless they deserve no respect) but I not going to put their names in & link you to their Twitter accounts unless it’s in a positive manner (although I should be vengeful to some people). Not all men have treated me kindly. Not all men have put their best foot forward with me. And I have the right to share my experiences… because many, MANY of women have been hurt by men who wouldn’t know a good woman if she wore the T-Shirt and announced herself over a loud-speaker. At the Macy’s Day Parade. Twice.
But I’m intelligent enough to preserve a beautiful thing. If I’ve talked about something or someone… it’s probably because it’s over. That chapter of my life is finished and so I can write on it in complete form. I’m not going to write about what I’m living at the moment because I’m living in the moment.
Similarly, I recommend you live your own relationship. I have a friend that will go through her phone and read you entire text conversations between her and any given guy. She’ll give you details of every account so descriptive that you feel like you’ve been there and that you’re dating this guy. I can’t do that. I like to keep my men to myself. I really don’t even like my friends to be friends with the guys I’m involved with. I think a relationship should be between 2 people and that is all. The more people you allow into a relationship, the more input you get. For example, this summer one of my girlfriends made me upset at a guy when I wasn’t even that upset. Because of her whole “if that was me” explanation, I became more upset, when really it wasn’t even that big of a deal. What I failed to realize is that she is not me and I am not her. That’s why the guy is dating me. If he wanted to date her, he would have dated her. Everyone wants a Jay-Z and Beyonce relationship, but few people can stop letting the entire world into their business. There are things I want to post here. I want to tell you all of it. But I really want this experience for myself. I want what is mine to be mine.
In real life, I’m more personal. I’m more reserved. There are few people I talk to about my current relationships. But I’ll put everything on the table once it’s over. While I’m involved with a guy, you won’t know a thing about how it’s going. Ask around. & those of you who know me…. Am I lying? I made a new girlfriend this summer who, truly, is like a little sister to me. I adore this girl. But she has way too many people giving input in her relationship. She tells me her problems and all the he-said, she-said issues, meanwhile I don’t comment. The other night, we talked on the phone for a while as I allowed her to share her problems with me. All I could say at the end was, “Don’t talk too much about him. Too many people have too many things to say.” I hope she takes my advice.
I blog because I have more opinions than I do questions (Ella’s tragic flaw revealed) and I don’t necessarily need input. While I love commentary, I am fairly solid in what I believe. And (hopefully) this will be beneficial when I pursue a new relationship. You have to be certain in what you want. As well as certain in what you feel. The more secure you feel with your partner –even if things are as fucked up as they can possibly be– the better you will be in that situation. Your situation is yours even if it isn’t ideal. & if you’re going to put up with certain things, at least be sure that you want to put up with it. And don’t complain to every damned body. There’s nothing worse than the girl who cries about being cheated on and then stays with the guy. Be sure of the moves you make — and more sure of who you’re sharing your feelings with. Me, for example, even when I’m unsure of something, I am sure of at least one thing: That I am unsure.
Keep in mind that not everyone is qualified to give advice. Decide if you would want to be like that person before accepting their input. The one person who’s advice I’ll follow word for word is my sister because I want to be just like her (read “Perfect Timing” and see why). Taking someone’s advice is allowing you’re actions to emulate theirs as you manipulate your thoughts to match theirs. If their actions, their life and their decisions aren’t how you’d like to end up… I suggest you look elsewhere…
or you can always just write to HeyyyElla@gmail.com 😉 #ShamelessSelfPromotion