What you need to do is just find somebody else who can fill that deep aching hole inside you that you are always trying to kick dirt over and pretend isn’t there. Suzanne Kingsbury, “The Summer Fletcher Greel Loved Me”
Admit it. The single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is no one waiting for the call you can’t make. No one wondering what time you get out of work or what you had for lunch. No one to maybe pick you up. No one to talk to before you go to sleep. This is the life of the single person. Which is probably why misery loves company, because when you have no guys to call, you typically call your friends. But what happens when your friends are all in relationships? Who do you talk to then?
You have to reach a particular point of self-love to enjoy your time with yourself. When is the last time you listened to your own thoughts? I mean, really sat down and thought about how you really feel. I know it sounds strange, but… do you ask yourself questions? The way someone else would ask you questions? Like… “after how do I feel about X” have you asked yourself “Why do I feel that way?” or “When did this feeling start?” or “How do I deal with this?” Are you interested in yourself? Do you have to have someone else ask you those questions?
I don’t call anyone anymore. Not even my friends really. I let them live their own lives so that I can go about mine. The way I see it is, what happens when I get serious with someone? Say I marry a man who takes long trips or works late etc., I’m going to have to learn to get along alone and entertain myself, especially since I probably won’t live anywhere near my friends. The less you look for entertainment, and rely on yourself, the easier it becomes to be alone. I kind of don’t even notice I’m single, sometimes. Yesterday, I worked from 9-7:30. I went to KMart to buy an alarm clock (which didn’t even work this morning BTW) and didn’t get home till about 9pm (my commute blows). I helped my sister pick out an outfit, talked on AIM for a bit and went right to sleep. Now, can you tell me where a man would fit into this schedule?
But then things get harder as time progresses. It’s become increasingly difficult for me to involved myself with men who are only interested in one part of me. Usually, that part is… well, you know… too focused on the physical. Other times, they are too focused on my mind, on who I can be or will be rather than who I am at the moment. Most guys don’t run into women who pick up a book and read for leisure. Sometimes, it seems to me, you’re expected to be a boring genius or a trampy slut. Like my doctor said, you should have “everything in moderation.” When you love yourself, you run the risk of being alone for a while.
I can’t see myself carrying on with someone who doesn’t like me as much as I like myself. I’m not saying they should be head-over-heels in love with me, but they should appreciate me as a whole person. It’s the same way that I wouldn’t date a guy I didn’t see potential in. I simply wouldn’t waste my time on him and I hope he wouldn’t waste his on me. This is not to look down upon people who date to “get theirs.” That’s fine. But (especially to the women) you have to keep track of how many men you’re letting slide up inside you without having to give a damn about you. I once met a guy who said his favorite thing to do was to “spend time with people who like spending time with [him].” To date, that’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.
We all love to BS about “single and ready to mingle” but Sundays are lonely and we all need to admit it. We all love to pretend that attention for multiple people is all we need, but (while that IS nice and all) having a constant source of affection that is pure, true and unwavering is something incontestably necessary for fulfillment. We like to pretend we don’t hurt anymore. Like we’re not lonely at night. Like we don’t need love. Who are we fooling? I’m not willing to waste my time anymore. If a man wants me, he has to want all of me. And seriously.
I’m too good of a girl to settle for less. Actually… no one should settle for less, no matter your relationship resume (a lot of you ladies just might not get a call back though, lol). I mean… I’ve been hurt before. You all know that, but there’s no reason I should hold onto that anger and keep it with me for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll find someone who’s been hurt just like I have and we’ll both have an understanding. We’ll both know how that feels. Maybe.
So, **holds up a digital glass of riesling** here’s to still believing in love and soul mates and unicorns. Dreams come true, ladies. But if you settle for less, that’s exactly what you get.
oh… & aim for a millionaire, because if you fall short, at least you’ll land among salaried men with benefits 😉 –> That’s original Ella genius right there. Write that on a post-it so you don’t forget.