People have their own definitions of “friends.” Mine? They should actually be my friends. I can list my friends off for you: Crystal, Sabrina, Harvey, Helder, Cory, Chiefly, Tiny, Ashely, Donald, Carl even Katelynn (just met her so she has a temp pass lol but she’s doing well.) & then there’s family– They don’t count as “friends” that’s a whole other level of confidence. While I have other acquaintances, these are the people I talk to. There are some really cool people out there, but when I’m having a hard time or I want to get something off my chest, the people I’ve listed are the ones I could call. Anytime. These are the people you can expect to sit nearest to the front at my wedding. The people I care about. These are my friends. & The most influential reason in considering them my friends: They care about me.
I don’t believe in being friends with Ex’s. Maybe it’s because I’m a jealous person, or maybe it’s because the actual truth is that it’s damn-near impossible. If you’ve been involved with someone in a situation that wasn’t exactly “friendly,” there are other emotions there that you might not be able to mask or avoid: Especially if the attraction is sexual and particularly if the attraction is emotional.
I think everyone should just move on. Staying in contact with your ex might inhibit you from moving forward. The quicker you get that person off your mind, the easier it will be to move on and find what you were actually looking for. I mean, it ended for a reason, right? But he/she is a good person, you might say. If he/she is so “good”, why aren’t y’all together? I will ask.
You know when you shouldn’t be friends with someone. We all try to lie to ourselves and say “he/she is just my friend,” when in reality you know that if that person had the chance, they’d do some un-friendly…. wait… tooooooooooooooo friendly things with you. Could you trust yourself alone with that person? Even if your partner can trust you, can they trust your “friend”?
If you have to think about telling your partner that you are hanging out with that person, that person is not your friend. Would you invite that person over to dinner while your partner is there? Would that person be at your wedding? Baby shower? Personally, I don’t maintain relationships with my Ex’s because I don’t want a man to. You have to think about how that person would feel. Like with everything in any relationship… how would you feel in your partner’s shoes? If you want to keep your Ex’s as friends, be ready to accept his.
You’ve also got to accept it when your Ex gets a new girlfriend. Can you talk to them about the new Boo? Do you “hate that, Bitch” for some reason? Does it make you uncomfortable? If it does, the chance is (eff a chance, it’s full blown reality) that there is something still there. You still have feelings. You can’t be friends and having feelings for someone. Until you truly decide (and don’t lie to yourself) that you don’t want anything to do with that person, that will not be a true friendship.
I personally believe that people maintain friendships with Ex’s because they aren’t ready to let go. It’s to have someone on the back burner in case you don’t find someone new. That’s a good plan and all… and I’ve done it before… but you have to be honest with yourself at some point and realize that you aren’t friends with half the people (of the opposite sex/that you’ve been involved with –trying to make this gay-friendly lol) you claim to be friends with.
Like I’ve said in the past, Don’t Lie.