If I didn’t lose my iPhone on Saturday, I’d have taken a screen shot of this conversation but… here’s what took place yesterday:

     “What u got me?”
     “I got you an account number you can deposit money into anytime you want”

    While he L[his]AO in the following txt, I was serious. Two… no… three things in that exchange bothered me immediately.
 1. I hate the way he texts… like, “wyd”. I hate that. Why don’t people spell anything out anymore?  I feel like it simply allows stupid men to hide behind text messages and avoid sending messages they can’t spell. If you can’t spell, you can’t spell. I’d rather know straight up. And “What you got me.” It’s get, not got. Ok, this might be a shallow thing to complain about but… I’m not asking you to have a PHD but,  I like a guy who grasped the 3rd grade. 
2.  Don’t fuckin ask me what I got you. I know he didn’t mean it but… it is suuuchh a turn off. It’s just a statement that is lathered in “broke”. Honestly, I don’t want to buy a man anything. Not because I can’t, but because I really don’t want to. Men who are comfortable taking gifts/money from women aren’t the type of men I’m into. I like a totally egotistical, traditional, “I’m a man” man. They type of man that, if I wanted to stop working and stay home with the kids, would take care of me like a man should. Careful with these comfortable men,  because they can quickly get too comfortable. First you buy him a gift, then shoes, then clothes, then a bed, then a house, then a car, then all of a sudden, this nigga just don’t work and sits on his ass because he has no shame. And you know why? You let him do it. If you love a man that much, more power to you. But Ella isn’t that kind of girl. At least, not anymore.  
3. He thought I was playing.  I will take money from any man that gives it to me. Here’s my argument, why spend my money when I can spend yours? I don’t need yours, I need mine. Sometimes we (women) don’t want to take things from men because he’ll expect something in return. So? He can expect what he wants, but what he should expect is to be disappointed. 
     And so, as I finished this text message exchange, I arrived at my “First Date” with the other guy I had met that same night.
     Some advice for my male readers… actually all readers, when you meet someone new, there is always someone else. Always someone willing to pick up your slack. These guys text me 3 minutes apart like clockwork and I have the luxury of choice. If you’re slippin on your pimpin, Ma…your boy will choose me (like Shawnna says in “Gettin Some”)… or (for the fellas) I’ll choose the other guy. Don’t ever think you have no competition. You always have competition, even if you have none. (Scarface, the movie did more than Scarface the rapper, to me.)
     Oh.. & later last night, this FOOL sends me a picture of himself. and I wanted to ROTFL. (That was totally necessary) Bad Idea, hun. Cuz I had no idea what you looked like & the dark did him wonders. Now, the ONLY reason I might respond to his texts is for  free meal on a desperate day.  
Whatev… I like food. And attention.  Sue me.