There are things you shouldn’t say. Sometimes people want to hear the truth but it’s all a lie. I know that because I know you. I thought what we had was stronger than that; than men, than lies, than pain. But I suppose it wasn’t. Because I wasn’t supposed to tell you the things I said. Every time I heard “Don’t tell _______…” I prepped my text message to you. My loyalty lied in you.
There are things you don’t say. So I never mentioned them. I could have told you what I heard about the girl in the bathroom the night we couldn’t get into the club with them. But I’m not going to mention that. I could have told you that your heart only cost $400 dollars and that you were selling yourself for cheap. That you should charge more. But I didn’t. I could have told you how his friends complain about having to cover his tracks. I could have told you of those things. But I didn’t. Out of respect.
Instead, my name was thrown out on the dinner table. A tall tale sprinkled with facts but planted in your lies. I know what you were doing. I know why you did it. Because no one knows. No one knows about the things you did in front of me, behind closed doors, my bathroom door to be exact. No one knows except me. And I never spoke a word. And I would’ve bet the house you wouldn’t speak a thing.
There are things you don’t say. You don’t tell your friend’s secrets to make you look like the innocent one. You don’t ruin someone else’s relationship so that your’s has more ground to stand on. You don’t pretend to be friends. Well… you do. I don’t.
And now we play these games like we’ll be friends again one day. And believe me, I wanted to. But I just got sick of myself. I don’t know who I’ve become chasing an undeserved friendship. Not in real life. and not digitally.
I owe it to myself. I owe it to the people I grew up with. Honestly, I owe it to my hood. Call it what you want, but fake doesn’t get you by in the streets. I thought I knew my way around but somehow I got lost. I went back home and remembered who I used to be. I gained resect for myself, and lost respect for you. I won’t fake a thing ever again. Not a nut and not a friendship. I’m sorry I faked it for this long –you’re the first female I had to tell that to.