I can’t be held accountable. D’Evils beatin’ me down, Boo. Got me runnin with guys, making G’s tellin lies that sound true. – Jay-Z, “D’Evils”
I initially published this blog by accident. Laying in my Blogspot vault are title after title of blogs I started and never finished. Somehow, “Don’t Lie” was able to stand on it’s own and gets a few page views everyday.
I’m coming back to this because of a conversation I had with my cousin. “Why do people lie?” he asked. He argued that it’s one of those things people do that simply doesn’t change over time; a characteristic of being human, along with greed and dissatisfaction. (Conversations like this are why I love him, thoroughly.) I think there is a reason, though: Fear. Fear of the other person’s reaction. White lies are lies like any other. Are some sins greater than other?
I’m not going to paint myself a saint or ascribe a halo over my head. I’ve lied. Lied. Lied and then lied a little (lotta) bit more. But where am I now? Single. All due to one lie, to be honest… #SinceWereBeingHonest (which was appropriately a trending topic on Twitter today) my last relationship ended because I lied. I lied about a one nigh stand I had (when me & him were not together). In my defense, it was none of his business what I did before he and I were together. He didn’t agree. (Check an overview of what happened in “Things You Don’t Say.”) I lied to him for a year because I didn’t want to lose him. I figured that in a year, he’d love me more, and it’d be harder to leave me. Well… it was, so he just found other reasons.
You shouldn’t lie. I know I sound like someone’s mother right now, but anything based on lies is sure to crumble. You build on lies, and when that foundation becomes shaky, everything falls along with it. Sometimes we lie when we don’t have to. Friends of mine came to the city for Fashion Night Out 2010 and, so that they could enjoy their stay, I tried to convince them to stay the night. One, who’s married, asked what she should tell her husband. How about the truth? “Why would you lie to him?” I asked. She had no idea. We were out with all females & 2 of their boyfriends. Eating. There were no intentions of sinning. She just didn’t want to upset him. Does love make you lie?
“But you shouldn’t lie,” I argued. And if you do lie, there should be something in you that feels remorse. When I was with an ex (before college) I lied to him about everything to the point where I didn’t care about his feelings, I just didn’t want to hear his mouth. I cared about him so little, that I started to tell him the truth. And the truth wasn’t pretty. But he stayed around because he believed me when I said I loved him. I did love him, but not as much as I had told him. I never planned on building a family with him. Of making it into the future with him. But I said I did. I said everything he would want to hear. Anything to make him smile… I’m tell you y’all. I was a boy.
If you can boldface lie to someone, you can’t care. If your thinking up your next lie to cover up this lie, you can’t care. If you tell someone the truth from the beginning, you allow them to see the real you. If they don’t like it, then they don’t like you. & I’m sorry, but not everyone is going to like you. Putting up a facade for the rest of forever is tough.