So I was asked to comment on the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” Here’s my take:
First, I need to tell you what “nice guy” really means. If a woman is completely attracted to a man (especially physically) and he’s also nice, he’s a “good” guy –which is different. A “good” guy has further potential. Like… you want to date him. To be seen with him. To lock his ass down, in theory. A”nice” guy on the other hand is… okay looking. He doesn’t really excite you but he’s kind and makes you smile and makes you feel special. If you ended up with him, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Sidenote: Women don’t date men they think are ugly. Now, everyone else might think he’s ugly… and she knows he’s not a movie star… but she doesn’t think he ugly. You need some kind of attraction there. We each have our spectrum of looks that outline the ugly-tolerable-gorgeous boundaries. All in all, a nice guy is a guy you wouldn’t mind being seen in public with. Nice guys can grow on you, but –in all honesty –there’s going to be something about him that’s lacking.
I had a nice guy once.
He was sweet, responsible, thoughtful, chivalrous, tall (see, tall is the physical thing I liked that attracted me most)…. but there were minor things about him I didn’t like. He was so kind that he sometimes didn’t stick up for himself. & there were times I doubted he could stick up for me. GUYS: You can be nice to me, but you don’t have to be nice to everyone. Personally, I like to feel safe with a guy, like he’ll defend me in anything. I like to feel like he is the man. No woman wants a man that she can walk all over. We want to feel like if something went wrong, you could depend on your man in the toughest of times.
He aslo wasn’t 100% what I was looking for physically. He wasn’t as toned as I like men to be (the after winter belly wasn’t really pretty) and his style wasn’t as….as I would like it. BUT I dealt with it. I accepted him for him. I didn’t force anything on him. As time went by, he let me pick out some clothes for him. His self-esteem seemed to shoot up a bit more. Slowly…. the nice guy faded, and a cool guy emerged. Everything changed except for him being tall. His height was all there was left.
These are the questions we face when dating a “Nice Guy”:
What happens if you make all the exceptions and learn to love this guy even though he’s not exactly what you want? What if things go perfectly? What happens if the sweetness fades to nothing? What happens when he no longer wants you? And you didn’t even fucking like this guy in the first place!
Now, you might really be a nice guy, but we’ve heard that game before. Men tend to approach me with the “Excuse me, Miss” game because I demand it; not because that’s what they usually do. I’ve had plenty guys tell me how sweet they are when they first meet me and offer to take me to dinner right there on the dance floor because it’s the only game I respond to. I guess they figure the sweeter they are, the closer they are to my sweets. Either the guy is actually nice or he’s faking it. Regardless, I won’t be disrespected.
If you are telling the truth about being nice, I’m sorry… Someone else has already used that line & ruined it for you.
If it ends well, and he’s nice forever, congratulations. But for the most part… “nice” is just a game. It’s what reels us in. Granted, you might not be an asshole after you’ve reeled us in, but the flowers and compliments stop coming. There are no more good morning texts. There are no more “just to say I love you” phone calls. At the end of my last relationship, my nice guy didn’t have time to text me during the day to say hello, but as I read his text messages to the other girls he was talking to, he was the sweet man I used to know.
When nice guys get lazy, they have nothing left to fall back on.
When a Jerk gets lazy, at least he’s still hot. He can risk it, you can’t. The way for a nice guy to hold onto his girl is to be the same everyday as you were on day one. The minute you change and you slack, our reason for liking you –“because he’s nice” –is gone. We can then see your flaws more clearly because there is nothing holding us to you. Just like a girl’s personality can make her hotter, a guy’s “niceness” does the same. I don’t want to date a mediocre looking guy and go through drama or even just be “blah”.
I’m going to be completely honest: I’d rather date a REALLY HOT GUY who is a jerk because I’m totally attracted to him. I feel prettier with him. More girls are jealous of me when I’m with him. At least when shit hits the fan I can say “Well, he was hot,” and all my friends will agree. There’s nothing worse than being hurt and betrayed by a lame guy that you had to convince yourself to like in the first place. Because, when it all comes crashing down, it feels like your fault for not trusting your true, honest, superficial self. & That’s what women fear the most about the nice guy.
Trust me, I know.
Mostly though… nice guys finish last because they’re not as hott as the hott guys.