For now, I call these “Baby”. 

A person commented on my last post (truly appreciate it) and brought up some issues I feel I should address publicly.  This is not an attack, rather a PSA about a deeper Ella and her values. I also wanted to give myself ample space to  fully respond to the comment. You can read his post by clicking this link.

1. I never said we met ALL of those men at the club. I said, “Every guy we each hoped would be there was there”. I’m from Rhode Island. Everyone knows everyone. If not personally, than through someone else. It’s like… 2 degrees of separation here. 

2. I never said I was looking for love at the club. I was merely commenting on how much attention we got when we ignored men vs when we paid them attention.

 “As we returned text messages, the responses weren’t as good as the night before. The guys went back to being lame with the same nothing-to-say game.  This just leads me to believe that men like to be ignored. They liked the games we play in the club when we say nothing as we sip our vodka-cranberry drinks, dancing with no one but the girls we came with. I promise you,  I get more of the sweetest “good morning” and “hey beautiful” messages when I ignore a man than if we converse daily. “

Still, I might even prefer to meet a man at the club. Because then I know how he acts while he’s there. I’ll know his game, his demeanor, his swag. Imagine you’ve never gone out with a person. How do you know what they act like when they aren’t with you? I like to be approached smoothly, respectfully, kindly. I like a gentlemen. Even if it is game. I don’t like a guy who’s walking around “hunting” for girls. That guy doesn’t get my number. & if he did get my number before I saw him with other girls, he sure doesn’t get his phone call answered.  I want to be able to trust my man in the most testing of situations. & even after I find him & marry him, I want him to go back to the club with his friends and enjoy himself (cuz I sure as hell will!). I will trust him because I know how he is when he’s there and he’ll also know how I am when I’m at the club. Ladylike. I mean, that’s how he met me.

3. You should always read the preface to an author’s work. There’s valuable info there that can help you understand the author’s POV. 

 If you read my Ella Who? post, which describes this section of my blog, you will see that I while I speak in generalizations, I speak for myself and whoever agrees. If someone doesn’t agree, then I don’t speak for them. Period. This is my blog, my life, my experience. I don’t speak for anyone but myself because I don’t allow anyone to speak for me. Something I recommend everyone put into practice. 

The “Men Like Women Who DON’T Like Them” post was about my dating scene. Let me clarify, I am a BLACK woman who is interested in ONLY in BLACK men. I ALWAYS speak from the perspective of a Black woman and HER dating experience because I’ve never been a White woman so I don’t know what that scene is like. 

I was blessed with the virtue of being a Black Woman. A woman who was historically treated like a an animal and used for the purposes of sexual abuse and breeding. I know my history and I’ve inherited the strength and honor of the Black woman, if not via my very blood, then out of appreciation and respect. I am in control of my body. If you think that I’m going to the club dressed like a street walker, you are mistaken. I new age woman so my dresses are small, as I am a small woman. But I am ALWAYS respected when I am out. I am classy. Even when I’m not. I encourage you to ask around. 

On top of that, I have family that reads these posts: I’m a Lady in honor of them, myself and my brother who would beat my ass. You can ask around about that, too. 

4. The word sex does not exist in my post because action of sex did not exist between myself and that man. Please note I spoke about the “ONE” guy at the end of the piece. Now, I’m not a man, but I know that when a man goes out, he knows exactly which girls are willing to give it up and which are not. I am the latter. And perhaps that is the reason the relationship this summer fell flat. But if it is, then I’m glad it did. Because any man who approaches me knows from the sight of me that it’s going to take work. & If I have to dig for gold, he has to dig even deeper before he hits the jackpot.

 5. I’m not looking for love, I’m looking for a good deal on Louboutins.  I’m going to complain on here. I’m a girl. I complain. A lot. But I also love myself and and outright vain. I think I am a HELL OF A CATCH and a man is going to see that eventually. There are already men who love me. People who love me. I love me. I’m not looking for a man. So while I’m dating, I always have a ring in the back of my mind (because I deserve to be someone’s wife), but I’m in no rush. All I’m saying is a boo would be nice. So until then, I’ll buy shoes and SHUT CLUBS DOWN.